Five Things That Make You Great, Lonely Dorm Guy

1. Your door is always open. You know, just in case any chicks feel like stopping in. Why bother wasting time and energy with conversation when free entry to a room decorated with promotional material for the latest MMORPG is all the invitation any hot-blooded college girl should ever need.

2. Your huge collection of empty liquor bottles is your subtle hint to the world that the party starts here. Provided the people attending the party bring alcohol and themselves.

3. Your music, TV, and movies are at max volume, at all times. As it stands, Wedding Crashers was a funny movie, but more people need to know that. Your genius solution of laughing hysterically will tell the entire dorm that they should really stop having sex and pre-gaming so that they can watch it in your room and ultimately invite you to parties.

4. The student lounge used to be a place for study and relaxation. Now that you’ve spent $150 on a Yamaha acoustic guitar, the lounge is your personal rehearsal studio. You’ve taught yourself to play guitar and to prove this to everyone, you’re going to rock the living shit out of chords G, C, AND D while singing some of the amazing lyrics you wrote today during art history.

5. You’re reading this article in the computer lab in a seat you’ve chosen because it is next to an attractive woman. Yeah, she may have walked by your open door, ignored your DVDs, and emptied her keychain mace into your eyes on the way to a bus after a night class, but she loves this site and by having it maximized and occasionally looking at her through the sides of your eyes, she will finally notice you as a potential love interest and NOT the subject of a pending restraining order.