Careers for the Opinionated, Yet Lazy

When they aren’t too busy on the track to unemployment, some lazy people retain actual jobs. Three careers make up 90% of the their eventual workforce, and they are:

This includes sports coaches, job coaches, any type of coach. You might be saying, “Hey, my high school junior varsity basketball coach was a great guy, he taught me a lot of things!” That may be true, and I don’t doubt his greatness, but the fact is he’s lazy. The key here is that a coach is someone who knows how to do a task and knows it well enough to teach it to other people, YET DOES NOT DO IT HIMSELF. It doesn’t matter if Michael Jordan’s coach was a great guy, he could have made millions of dollars if he went out and played in the NBA and won 6 championships while becoming a LEGEND himself…if only he wasn’t too lazy to take his own coaching to action and not let Jordan steal his limelight. How sad. As a matter of fact, I hereby deem all coaches a disgrace to society.

2. Judge

In this case, I am excluding Judge Judy, Judge Joe Brown, or any other TV judge because at least they were just un-lazy enough to make a show out of it and become rich and famous while making entertainment. However, all other judges are lazy. How do I know this? Because for one, they obviously are very wise and/or intelligent at the ways of the world and hold all the knowledge of fairness in every situation; AKA, they know how to rule the world. This pains me, because once again it is the Opinionated, Yet Lazy who know the best way to do something and don’t do it themselves. “Yes, of course we should have absolute free speech Justice Williams, very wise opinion.” So why not use your sagacity for good, take over the world and make it a global thing? I don’t care if people in Uzbekistan find it offensive, it’s your job to take care of that. I mean, you’re the one with all the intellect anyway, predict the future or something.

This is the obvious winner due to its job requirements, or lack thereof. This is the prime occupation of all who are lazy. It’s even safe to say this is the universal fallback option, or “safety school” if you will. Don’t like the weather outside? Grab a pencil and put your depressed mood onto paper. Hate the way some people are running the country? Grab a pencil and let your anger out. Don’t feel like going to school to learn something or getting a real job do actually do something? Grab a pencil and release your laziness. All you really have to have for this are emotions or opinions, because hey, they’re original and unique and anything like that is art. For those who don’t possess opinions, I don’t know I guess there’s a couch somewhere for you to sit on until you get swallowed by indifference. OH WAIT HAVE YOU CONSIDERED BEING AN ARTIST? You could make up anything off the top of your head, create it, and still call it art and make money. And when was the last time an artist made a difference in the world? I hope you only thought about that for two seconds before realizing THERE HASN’T BEEN.