The Correspondence between Me and the Guy Wearing Mesh Shorts in 30 Degree Weather

Me to Him:

Hi guy wearing mesh shorts in 30 degree weather! How have you been lately? If you say anything except for “freezing my testicles off,” then you are a fucking liar, my good sir.

I apologize for that profanity. I’m just a little confused is all, I suppose. I saw you walking around campus wearing your hoodie and mesh shorts. I gave you the benefit of the doubt and thought maybe you were just going to the gym. But then you passed the gym. And I realized you were carring a backpack. And wearing sandals. And kinda fat, too.

Are you confused? Allow me to clarify the situation for you: if it’s cold enough for water to turn into a solid form, then mesh shorts are not appropriate. Or maybe you know exactly what you’re doing. Are you trying to impress somebody? Are you trying to demonstrate some type of ‘oh look at me, I must be hardcore because I wear mesh shorts when I can see my breath’ type of persona? A ‘cold weather doesn’t bother me because I’m badass like Grizzly Adams’ attitude? Because if you are, you are failing miserably. And Grizzly Adams wore pants, and even had a beard to keep him warm.

But I digress.

I leave you with advice: Try going to a goodwill store and picking up a pair of jeans. If not for the people that are revulsed by your actions, then for the sake of your shriveled, blue testicles.

Sincerely yours,
Dave


From Him to Me:

Hi there, guy who has too much spare time. I’ve seen you walking around campus too. Do you really expect me to take fashion tips from a guy who wears corduroys? You’re a mess. Try examining your own life before you criticize others’.

Thanks for wasting my time,
Guy in Mesh Shorts