Ok, so what do I know about this guy? …red shoes …likes tacos …plays Frisbee. What does that say.. what IS he? …Damn I got nothing. It's like he's a blank sheet of paper or something… … …PAPER! Got it! He's SO throwing paper. Ha, this is too easy. Scissors it is. Yea, scissors… no… wait. He knows I can't get a read on him doesn't he? That sneaky bastard knows I know he's throwing paper. Dammit!! Ok, settle down… He's throwin' rock then. He has to be.. So I'm goin' with paper. It's final. No turning back now. Common! COMMIT TO IT!! That wishy washy bullshit won't cut it in RPS. Let's go…

ROUND 1

"One, two, three, SHOOT!"

HA! GOT THAT MOTHER FUCKER! This game is MINE! One more for the win. Ok, focus. He just threw rock. Rock… rock… what's he got up his sleeve this time? Goin' for the glory… what's gonna bring it home… I got it! I'll beat this fucker at HIS OWN game. I'll throw a rock right back at him. He'll never see it coming. Plus he knows I'm not gonna throw paper again so there's no way he's throwing… wait, shit. That doesn't work. If he knows I'm not pressing paper then he knows rock is a safe throw. Is he gonna throw a safety shot? .. No way, he threw rock in the first round. A fucking ROCK! Ha! So there's no way he's firing a safety shot now. He can't afford it. Ok he's throwing scissors. I got this bastard.. ok.

ROUND 2

"One, two, three, SHOOT!"

Ahhhh…. that's pretty fucking clever for a stupid COCK. That pussy played it safe. Good, bitch moves like that don't make you an RPS legend. I got this guy running scared. He's trying to pull the double-reverse on me… ME! Who the fuck does he think he's playing? I'm the KING of RPS, bush-league bullshit like that won't work in my house. I gotta take him out right now. Got my foot on his throat now all I gotta do is stomp. It's over. This bitch is throwing paper. Two rocks and now he's gonna reverse it. Fucking amateur.

ROUND 3

"One, two, three, SHOOT!"

FUCK!! That piece of fucking shit bastard motherfucker! The Triple Tachylyte?! Where the hell did he pull that out of? SHIT. Damn maybe this is gonna be tougher than I thought. A double-reverse is one thing but a Triple-T? Wow. I gotta think.. think, think, think. He just pulled a pro move on me, but I'm better. No more mistakes. Focus. Wow.. a Triple-T. That takes some balls… STOP IT! Gotta keep my head up, eyes in front. What's he got for me next? Ok so I know he's not comin' at me with a rock.. there's just no way. Right? No, yea… no. He wouldn't do it again. Hmm… but he knows I know that… This guys got some skill, but I know he knows I know that. I bet he's gonna fucking do it. That son-of-a-bitch is actually gonna go for it! Ha, like I would fall for that shit. No way… not again… Time to gift-wrap some rocks and ship 'em the fuck outta here. Ok lets go.. wait… four rocks? No no no, no god-damned way what am I French?? No. And he won't throw paper because I just threw scissors. Scissors is the safe play here. I need more time to think. Shit.. I just gotta throw the safety. Shit.. Ok I'm ready…

ROUND 4

"One, two, three, SHOOT!"

FUCK! Are you kidding me?? I'm the king.. THE KING! How the FU..

Billy: Na-na, I got shotgun!
Me: JUST GET IN THE CAR YOU HOBO POUNDING DICK WART-EGG!
Mom: Tommy don't call your little brother names.
Me: (ball fucking homo-noodle)

Special thanks to The College Humor Insult Generator