[Rufio walks into local bank and sits down at desk of nearest accountant]

Teller: Hello sir, what can I help you with this morning?

Rufio: Hi, yeah. I need to open a bank account.

Teller: Okay, what type of account are you interested in? We have checking, saving—

Rufio: Boil dripping, beef-fart sniffing, bubble butt!

Teller: What? Anyway, when you open an account with us, you are given access to a free bill pay system as well as free checks for—

Rufio: Pinhead!

Teller: Pardon?

Rufio: Mung tongue!

Teller: Sir, my sister-in-law is Hmong and it would be greatly appreciated if you could refrain from anymore racial slurs today.

Rufio: You are a week-old maggot burger with everything on it and flies on the side!

Teller: Okay this is enough. Do you plan on opening an account with us today or not?

Rufio: You mother lover!

Teller: Of course I love my mother. Who doesn’t? That’s not even an insult, really.

Rufio: Fart factory!

Teller: Now you’re just getting ridiculously childish.

Rufio: In your face, camel cake.

Teller: Okay, leave. Come back when you grow up.

Rufio: All grown-ups are pirates.

Teller: Excuse me?

[Rufio stands up, draws his sword]

Rufio: We kill pirates.

[Rufio executes accountant, transforming the bank into a room of stifled screams and stunned faces]

Startled onlookers: RUFIO… RUFIO…