“I’m the white Kanye West. I’m the definition of versatility. On Saturdays, I bong beers over the frat house, and on Monday morning I climb up the corporate ladder, all while never changing my Polo. I’ve got every color including pink, but I tell my friends it’s only a joke. My size is Large, but I get Mediums to show off the results of a 185 pound bench press. Abercrombie is way too metrosexual and I stopped shopping at American Eagle when I was 17. My parents pay for my tuition, but I act rich. Pop the collar? Hell no! Only pussies do that. And I only fuck girls who carry “Coach” purses to hold their fake Louis Vuitton wallets. You got a problem? Let me know. I’ve already been to jail for Drunk in Public. Why not add an assault to the list? Time for me to bounce bro. My iPhone is blowing up.”
Take exit 3b towards Main Street Mall
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This guy better go to the ER...which stands for the Excellence Room! Boom.
Can I apply to Facebook College?
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The fact that the Nicolas Cage Project is not funded by the federal government is a TRAVESTY.
Bad news: Rihanna is wearing clothes in these pictures. Good news: they're mostly see-through.
It's a PERSONAL MASSAGER-slash-toothpaste, okay?
Next thing you know they'll be saying Titanic really happened!
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What part of "metrosexual, black Abe Lincoln" is supposed to make me NOT like him?
If that iPod breaks, he is screwed.
