Roommate Confessions

Alright everyone, let’s start your week off right with Roommate Confessions. Check out the top 5 submissions this week.

My roommate was kind of a douche bag, in fact I hated him. He had a habit of leaving his laundry and shoes around the house. One night I got one of my buddies to poop into a thing of aluminum foil and then freeze the poop in the freezer. When I heard him get up the next day for class and get in shower I went in the kitchen, put on some gloves, unwrapped the poop, cut it into chips and put it in his shoes and the back pocket of the jeans that he was going to wear for that day. He might not have noticed the smell when the poop chips were frozen, but when they melted on his way to class and during class he sure did. I could not understand why he moved out.
Pete, Eastern Kentucky University

My roommate was the most boring person I’d ever met. She made a huge deal of her fondness for Bob Dylan as though it were some great aberration from society’s mores and apparently had no other interests. She was also loud. After I got tired of her and her vapid friends chattering about nothing all night, I festooned my side of the room with toy dragons, snakes, rats, and vultures, plastered my half of the walls with posters of fantasy scenes and scientific diagrams, and invited all my weirdest friends over to play Dungeons and Dragons. She was gone by November.
Sibs, Smith

I thought you were pretty normal until we played Halo 3. It’s when you started convulsing on the bed and yelling at the screen while spit flew from your mouth that I couldn’t help but conclude that you are Angry German Kid’s American cousin. Also, every time you pull the trigger your mouth flinches and you lunge for the screen. I’ve had to stop playing because you look so damned retarded. I’m looking for a video camera to tape you with, check the internet in about a week.

Alex, School Not Given

My roommate was a totally anti-fun. She never drank, had sex, or anything. The only thing she did was smoke cigarettes. So one night my friends and I stole a pack of her cigarettes and added a little weed to each of them. She thought she was just really hyper and went on and on for weeks afterwards about how that night was the most fun she’d ever had! After that every time she’d yell at me for going out, I would bust up laughing inside.
Jude, School Not Given

My roommate was one of the “non-sharing” types. If I needed something from her she would get bent out of shape. However, when she wanted something she would whine like a little brat until she got it. Well, one day I came home and I was hungry. I hadn’t been to the store and so to satisfy my hunger I went into the fridge and ate 1 of 3 whole pickles left in the jar. She noticed. She approached me about it and flipped out on me for eating on of her pickles. How lame. There were still two left and it’s just a pickle. So, the next time she was gone I decided to have my way (if ya know what I mean) with one of the two remaining pickles. I cleaned it off, dirtied it up again and gently placed it back into the jar it came from. 2 days later it was gone and I sure as hell didn’t eat it. Revenge is a B!#CH. True story.
Stephanie, School Not Given

So there you have it. Send your confessions to RoommateConfessions @GMail.com