Conversations Between Pens and Their Owners

Pencil: Hey man, it’s kind of awkward for me to ask you this, but could you please stop chewing on me?
Owner: Woah, what!? Are you kidding me? After all we’ve been through? I thought we had something special.
Pencil: We still do! Of course we still do! Hey, stop crying. Please. It’s just…well, I haven’t gotten any action for like, three weeks, and I’m starting to think it’s from the large amount of teeth marks on my body.
Owner: Are you kidding me? Chicks dig battle scars. Seriously dude.
Pencil: Dude.
Owner: Fine.

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Highlighter: Oh, it’s the all-powerful human being.
Owner: Not again…
Highlighter: Hey, don’t MIND me. I’m just chilling here, been sitting in the cup for the past FOUR MONTHS! Seriously, do you even KNOW how to take notes!? No wonder you’re failing two classes. We could be such a great team, but NO, you’d rather just buy me to annotate one book and leave me to rot forever.
Owner: …asshole…

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Pen: …
Owner: …
Pen: Please, just let me expl—
Owner: DON’T TALK TO ME.
Pen: Your essay would have been better if you studied…
Owner: It’s funny you say that, because I think I might have done better if you hadn’t been running dry the WHOLE time! SERIOUSLY!
Pen: …

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Pencil: DUDE!
Owner: What’s up?
Pencil: You know that eraser you have? The one with the Pikachu on it?
Owner: You didn’t!
Pencil: WHOOOOO WHEEE!