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- Chuck Norris once asked Steve Jobs to make him an iPod with unlimited gigabytes, but he couldn’t. No big deal—Chuck Norris already had three, and they still couldn’t handle his iTunes collection.
Sleepless in Seattle is listed on Chuck Norris’ MySpace as one of his favorite movies. Not because he could totally bang Meg Ryan, but because it’s one of his favorite flicks to watch while he cooks for his women.
- Chuck Norris isn’t soft, but his hands are. Every time he busts in someone’s skull, he’s sure to moisturize thoroughly.
- The tweezers Chuck Norris uses to keep his facial hair in immaculate condition have sometimes been known to cleanly slice his enemies in two with one, effortless swipe.
- Chuck Norris bought Fruit of the Loom and Hanes to control the market share of boxers and briefs. That’s only so that he can one day squeeze out tighty whities permanently.
- Chuck Norris doesn’t have confidence issues. But its only because designer sock collection is so badass.
- Someone once thought they saw Chuck Norris with what they described as a “European handbag.” They were mistaken—it was a men’s purse, from Guess.
- Chuck Norris’ Mini Cooper can only run on one type of octane: Chuck Norris.
- If you’re pissing Chuck Norris off in a bar, there are two things you should worry about: his expert roundhouse kick, and the bottle of Miller Chill he’s holding in his hand.
- Chuck Norris used to shop at the Gap until he realized that they only carried Medium, not Chuck Norris.