Lies your brain tells you at 3 AM on a Monday

3:00 - Coffee? Check. Now I’ll just let the caffeine sink in and work like a pro.

3:01 – This is a perfect time to text my ex-girlfriend!

3:07 – I’m not saving all my work until the last minute next weekend.

3:10 – CollegeHumor updates late-night sometimes, right? I should look into that.

3:11 – Man I’m starving. Cheese doesn’t go bad, right?

3:12 – Right?

3:17 – If I keep hitting the “refresh” button, something will eventually update on facebook.

3:40 – I’m gonna get some work done now.

3:40 and 30 seconds – Lisa still loves me… I’m texting her again.

3:42 – Checking out Lisa’s facebook pics can’t possibly hurt.

3:43 - Whoa! This whole “In a relationship with Ryan Pellico” thing is a joke, right?

3:58 – If I masturbate my head will be totally cleared up.

3:59 – Okay, screw trying to do more work. I’ll just set my alarm extra early and do it in the morning. I’ll feel so much more refreshed at 7 AM. I’m a freaking genius.