Your Roommate's Daily Schedule

7:49 am: Make completely obnoxious, loud and unecessary noises from the kitchen/bathroom/bottom bunk. Say, “ Hey…..HEYY….yo bro, you up? yo sorry for waking you up my bad.”

8:04am: Open refrigerator, chug your milk, fill with water. replace.

8:10am: Never ending shower

8:49 am: “Yo….can I take your car to class? yeah? Thanks man….hey where your keys at? Can you get up and find them for me? Thanks bro.”

10:31 am: Talk to the girl you are trying to get with. “Heyyy Jen, my roommate has a huuuge crush on you, he must have spent like an hour going through your pictures on facebook last night. welp, see ya later!

12:28 pm: Open refrigerator, chug your milk, fill with water. replace.

12:29 pm: Eat your last Ramen packet. leave note, “YO! Will Replace!”

2:03 pm: Go on your computer, visit collegehumor.com and with your profile, post ph1r5t!!! on over 90 articles.

5:48 pm: Ransack your dvd’s, “YO! You got Boondock Saints?! I’m just gonna borow it and bring it over to the house, a couple of the brothers wanted to watch it ,I’ll bring it back tomorow K? thanks bro!”

5:59 pm: “YOO, you think you can spot me some weed?I’m all out, I’ll smoke you up tommorow, bro, I SWEAR, don’t let me forget. Thanks bro!

8:19 pm: Sell “Boondocks” for $4

4:04 am: Leave computer on full volume so when someone logs off AIM, a soul jarring, ear stabbing blast can be heard of a door slamming shut.