The Substance of Every Girl Conversation, Ever.

Karen: No I don’t, I look like dog food. You look gorgeous.

Emily: No way, I’m spilling out of these jeans like cup cake batter.

Karen: Nah, what do you weigh, like 80 pounds?

Emily: More like 180 pounds!

Karen: Whatever. At least your stomach doesn’t drag on the ground when you walk. I swear I need a skateboard so I don’t get road rash on my belly.

Emily: Oh Karen, you’re crazy. You know every guy on campus totally wants to get with you.

Karen: Rubber, glue, back-to-you sister! Seriously though, I think we can both agree that Allison sucks.

Emily: Oh for sure, she needs extensions just to cover that fivehead of hers.

Karen: And her gum line is so low, you’d swear her teeth were doing the limbo.

Emily: I spent 90 bucks on my book for Sexual Health and Development, and the entire diseases chapter is just a bunch of pictures of her midsection.

Karen: Wow, what a waste of paper, you should ask for a refund.

Emily: Nah, it’s alright, I tore the pages out and used them as fliers to find my lost dog.

Karen: Burn!

Emily: She had it coming, though. Wanna eat brownies and ice cream ‘til our pants don’t fit?

Karen: You had me at bro.