The Anatomy of a Final Gone Wrong

1:00: Ok, Intro to English… I’ve known English my whole life, so this should be a piece of cake. I feel bad for those Asian kids, they’re going to be rearry jearous of my mad skills. I’ve got a whole hour to do this? Psh, I’ll be outta this joint in 20 minutes, just in time to get my drink on. Awww Yeahhh.

1:01: “Willy Loman had unrealistic expectations for his son due to the following:” Who the hell is Willy Loman? I guess I shouldn’t have skipped a month of class to beat “Through the Fire and Flames” on Guitar Hero. Seriously, who the hell is Willy Loman? More like Willy blowman if you ask me…

1:02: I’m an idiot.

1:10: Ok, there must me some mistake here. This must be the wrong test. Haha, I bet that’s it! And I thought I was totally screwed! I’ll just bring this up to the profes… wait, everyone around me has the same test… and they’re already on page 3… that girl in front of me is already on page 4… damn she’s hot.

1:15: I should totally ask her to that party at Sigma Nu tonight.

1:20: All right, let’s just look at the essay… “Discuss the presence of the American Dream in at least 3 of the books we have covered in this course.” Woah, what’s this about 3 books? I thought we just covered “Catcher in the Rye” this semester… and I’m pretty sure there was nothing about a threesome in that book.

1:30: Well, I’ve got to write something…“The American Dream is omnipresent throughout various works of the 20th Century.” Sick, I used the word “omnipresent.” I’ve got this in the bag.

1:31: Seriously, this chick is a smoking hottie. There should be a dress code banning skirts in a final exam room, I can’t be the only one totally distracted.

1:32: Ok, looks like I am the only one.

1:45: Hmm, I should start these multiple choice questions…“The Great Gatsby’s plot is driven by the class divisions of what decade?”

1:50: When in doubt, always guess C. There better be a curve on this.

1:58: Oh my God, I’m so screwed. Mom and Dad are going to kill me. Why did I spend all my textbook money on 2 bottles of Cristal and a racecar bed?

2:00 Finished product: “The American Dream is omnipresent throughout various works of the 20th century. My version of the American Dream would include Jessica Alba and Carrie Underwood. I will suck your dick for a passing grade in this course. Seriously.