How Pop Culture Will Get You Through Finals

Ah, that horrible time of year where the temperature drops to the Arctic tundra levels that make you question if you’re still a man. And finals. For some this will be a first time thing. For others with access to vodka and Tylenol PM, a last time thing. But stop fretting my lil’ apple fritters and take heed of my advice. Here’s some quick ways to use this year’s pop culture to get out of taking your finals or get an extension without taking enzyte!

English:
By far the easiest one. Just say that in support of the WGA you can’t continue writing your paper/essay exam and just stop right in the mi

Communications:
Similar to English in that it’s easy. And since all that’s on TV now are reruns. I’m repeating the joke. Use the WGA strike as an excuse and turn in an old paper, maybe something you used for midterms. Then picket your final after stopping right in th

Psychiatry:
Bic your head bald and complain that Joey Fatone is suing you for custody of your children. Ask for an extension on all your finals. ( Works best for girls).

Sports/Sports Medicine:
Tell your professor you’re too busy testifying in the Barry Bonds case to take his final. It helps if you’ve been taking HGH all semester and blasting your lats as an extra intimidation factor. Flex strong young’un!

Film School:
Don’t worry I didn’t forget my roots. Make a bad short film, shouldn’t be too hard. When your teacher tells you it’s bogus, tell him that it’s only half of a longer film and that when seen with your buddies film it’s genius. Mention Vanishing Point as the greatest movie of all time and your film being about the “darkness of man”. Walk away with an A and the possibility of a three picture deal.

Law School:
For you grad school students this one’s easy. Plead insanity. If your teacher doesn’t believe you start masturbating right there. While watching two girls one cup. You’ll get an A for your brilliant legal strategy and a Gotti will probably call you that night. Atta boy, “Partner”!

Animal Husbandry:
You can take the dog out of the fight, but you can’t take the fight out of the dog. Tell your teach this as you show him a puppy you drowned for being taken out of the fight. Ask for a 2-3 day extension on all tests and papers to honor Vick’s 23 month sentence. If you’re real ballsy, ask for a 7 day extension. In honor of his sacred number/how many dogs he hanged.