Bath and Body Works
Guys: My girlfriend is withholding sex until I buy her a $7 bottle of oil the size of a thimble that contains the fragrant aroma of a whimsical gumdrop forest.
Girls: I smell.













Abercrombie and Fitch
I enjoy things that throb — like techno music and dicks.


















Spencer Gifts
Things you'll find in my room: A blacklight, a lava lamp, a fart machine and a hilarious poster that shows all the different kinds of shits you can take.
Things you won't find: Friends.













Fossil
Ask me about my awesome collection of retro tins. (Seriously. Please ask me?)












The Sharper Image
Guys:I enjoy simplifying my life through technology, and daydream of one day owning an anatomically correct helper robot that will cook, clean and give me slightly-cold-but-still-better-than-nothing blowjobs whenever I want.
Girls: I really have my eye on that cylindrical, shower-safe massager wand… for back problems.












Hot Topic
Either gender: My ultimate sexual fantasy is a three-way with Davey Havok and Helena Bonham Carter, which would somehow involve knives, smeared eyeliner and a bottle of absinthe. My favorite movie of all time is "The Nightmare Before Christmas." I hate all the music you listen to, but don't feel too bad — in a month's time I'll hate all the music I'm currently listening to just as much.
Other things I hate:
- Skin tone.
- Gloves with fingers.
- Un-slit wrists.











Macy's
I'm here with my Mom. We're buying new undies because mine have poo-poo stains and I need more before spring semester.