Next year, we’re going to give an extra five percent.
Loser: “I’m into Nickelback.”
Mega-loser: “I was into Nickelback before they were cool.”
Mega-loser: “I was into Nickelback before they were cool.”
Worst/Best Newspaper Headline
Ex-con Pledges to Make Rape History“Haley, There’s no easy way to tell you this. You were an accident.”
“You told me I was adopted.”
“It was a very big accident.”
“You told me I was adopted.”
“It was a very big accident.”
Times Not To Knock On Wood
“I hope the serial killer doesn’t know I’m in the closet!”A Viking Gets Soap In His Eye During His War Cry
Yyyeeaaaaaaaaiiiieeeerrrggghhhh!!!My Grandfather Writes the SATs
An American male and an old Asian woman start a trip from Houston to Dallas at the same time. Joe is doing a steady 5 miles above the speed limit, while Li-Xing or whatever is doing 1/3 of that. How much shorter will Joe’s trip be, if Li-Xing makes it at all?Daniel Pearl’s Wife in 2000
Wife: I wish to be played by Angelina Jolie in a movie.Evil genie: Your wish is my command! MUAHAHAA!
Wife: Awesome, my girlfriends are going to be so jealous.
If a girl makes you wear a condom, you probably didn’t need it, and if she doesn’t make you wear one you probably should have worn two. Life is full of irony. And sex disease.
Chart Topping Chemistry Majors
Kanye West’s Au DiggerBlack Sabbath’s Fe Man
The Beatles’ Maxwell’s Ag Hammer
Nirvana’s Li
The best part about using the shower is that you never have to wipe.
You know what’s worse than the freshman 15? The freshman 9 pounds, 12 ounces.
Hunger Games PSAs
Honest Movie Titles: Oscars 2012
Weed Strains Named After People You've Smoked With
The Way We Do Things Sober vs Drunk
I Think My Draw Something Partner Might Have Been Kidnapped
10 Things You Never Have to Deal with Again After College
This guy better go to the ER...which stands for the Excellence Room! Boom.
Can I apply to Facebook College?
When you use GPS, your destination is always the grave.
The fact that the Nicolas Cage Project is not funded by the federal government is a TRAVESTY.
Bad news: Rihanna is wearing clothes in these pictures. Good news: they're mostly see-through.
It's a PERSONAL MASSAGER-slash-toothpaste, okay?
Next thing you know they'll be saying Titanic really happened!
This is how true gamers see the world every day.
What part of "metrosexual, black Abe Lincoln" is supposed to make me NOT like him?
If that iPod breaks, he is screwed.
