So, lets get a few things straight right at the start. I'm a pretty lady. And I love pretty lady things. You know, magazines, kittens, stickers. Lady things. And one lady thing that is absolutely delightful is finding a new love song, which is normally an acoustic ballad, and comparing it toyourself and realizing how it says everything you've ever wanted to say about yourself.

It's rather delightful. And these songs are usually found on our favorite lady programs…you know any show where ladies dance around; or have sex instead of doing what their real job is whether it be doctoring or lawyering;or drink colorful drinks. Gosh those shows are great.

The holiday time is especially great for finding these songs because not only can they be found on lady programs, but they can be found on advertising for lady "I want" products…usually diamonds. We love diamonds ladies, right Madonna?

I thought maybe I'll help the ladies of world out by writing the perfect song about them and how they love love. Right? We do ladies. Okay here goes.

Lets begin with themusic and singer.Pretend there's a sweet guitar playing a sweet guitar riff that sounds like angels kissing. Then lets add some really sweet xylophone or chimes. Probably xylophone though. Then a really meek man's voice comes into the song. The meek man is probably really skinny, tall and has messy hair. A kind of messy that looks like a lady (like you or you) ran her fingers through it lovingly.

Okay, lyrics. Lets have lyrics that start with a line about how the messy hair guy met the lady (you). Something like…

-When we first met I knew I would fall for you

Okay that line is wonderful because we know they met and that he was totally in love with her. Great. Now we need a reason why…

-Your sparkling eyes told meour love would be true

Okay perfect. By using sparkling, those eyes can belong to any eye-colored girl aka he obviously means you. Next…lets add more to how deep the girl is and how the messy hair guy knew this.

-You moved like Grace Kelly into a room

Oh jesus. I'm crying. I'm crying. Okay, now lets add a long line that simply repeats the first three lines already said in a different way.

-I fell to my knees and hoped you to feel that way too…

Oh no worries MHG. I do. Okay Chorus time, which will also be the title of the song. Need something full of weird imagery so ladies can be all deep and apply it generally to themselves and then add it to their facebook/myspace/pandadash networkingprofiles.

The world turned to black and white
Likethe stars in the night
Falling from sky, tracing lines
'Til the Morning comes, I'm here with you

That's prety good. We'll title the song Tracing Lines. That'sapretty hot single to drop. Then the next couple verses will have something about holding hands, long conversations, and then we'll add the word love about 10 more times. There will also probably be a long walk involved somewhere. And how someone knew everything by some simple gesture like…smiling.

Oh and we'll have one part where all the music stops and the MHG sings the line:

-We can disappear, We can disappear, We can disappear, Let's disappear from sight

Yeah, I just totally updated my AIM profile.

And then the song will have the chorus again:

The world turned to black and white
Likethe stars in the night
Falling from sky, tracing lines
'Til the Morning comes, I'm here with you

Then lets end the song out…with repeating the title a few times…

-Falling from the sky, tracing lines, falling from the sky, tracing lines x2

Fade music.

And bam! The ultimate formula lady time song. If you want the full lyrics, google the song "Tracing Lines" by Messy Haired Dude, and cry yourself to sleep. It's pretty powerful. Because it's about you. And you. And you. And yes, you too Margaret.