At Orientation, I sat there in all of my wide-eyed freshman glory, with my fellow Freshman Drewids around me. The President talked of many things…how lucky we were to be here, how some of us won't make it, and how he believed in us damnit (yes, he said the "d-word". You're a big kid now college boy!) And you know kids, learning isn't confined to the classroom. I learned many things my first semester at college that weren't in the syllabus.

1. The most embarrassing moment of your college (or at least your freshman) career will probably happen whilst you wear a toga. I promise you. You'll be excited to go to your first themed-party. You may even be so enthusiastic as to steal your roommate's sheets to make this toga. (Oh, but be sure to write her an apology note after you spill beer on it). But in your drunken merriment, something will happen to you. The electric lemonade starts going to your head, and that nerdy kid with the pokemon sheets starts lookin' more like the captain of the rugby team every minute. And the next morning my friend, you get to do the walk of shame….in a toga.

2. There will be a kid in every class who always brings his laptop to class. And you will sit right behind him. What do you see if you glance over his shoulder to see what he's looking at? A cool music site? No. Collegehumor.com? No.

No my friend, it will be porn. This guy needs to get his rocks off, and what better place to do it than in your History class?

3. One day you will be sitting at your computer when you look up at your Facebook inbox and see that lo and behold! A message awaits you! But what is this? That kid in your history class (the guy that sits next to porn-boy) who just wants to tell you how he finds your love of history just so cool? Either he wants a piece of your sexy history-lovin' ass, or he wants a piece of your sexy history-lovin' grades. Either way, don't take the bait. Firstly, you don't really want to sit in the dining hall with this kid talking about all the things other than history you have in common (none). And secondly, it's up to you to ruin the curve sweetie, don't let this shmuck steal your thunder!

4. Don't just make friends with your fellow freshman who somehow managed to have cars. Makefriends with them. Earn their trust. Cause hey, who do you turn to when it's 11:30 at night and you need to go on a Ramen-Run? That's right. Your friend.

5. There will be a night where the bed you wake up in will not be your own. Do not panic. Restrain your fight-or-flight instincts. Look to your left. Is the person you're spooning with someone you know? Or a complete stranger? If it's someone you know, remain in spoon-position. Pretend to be asleep until you feel them waking up. Then you can look at each other and laugh it off (unless it's really awkward, but lets just go for a happy-ending). Hell, go get bagels together. Stranger? Use your ninja skills to get your clothes and BAIL. Yes, it's the walk of shame. Yes, you may be in a toga (see above). You can find solace in the fact that you can nod in acknowledgement at the others who are also toga-clad and walking in shame. But the most important thing is to get out of there. Now is not the time for introductions. You can Facebook them later.