How Are You Going to Die?

You scored:

0 – 6 points: You’re going to die of Pneumonia and your Mom told you so. Didn’t she tell you to wear a jacket? Didn’t she? Maybe if you went inside when it was cold like a normal person you wouldn’t be dead right now.

7 – 12 points: Guess whose going to overdose on drugs! Did you guess? That’s right, you are! One of these days you’re going to smoke so much pot that you’re gonna die. That’s going to be so expensive. Like $1000 expensive, at least. Don’t worry, dying of a drug overdose makes you cool and famous. Or was it being cool and famous makes you die of a drug overdose? Either way you’ll end up in the newspaper. Congratulations.

13 – 18 points: You’re going to die in a freak masturbating accident. I don’t even want to talk about it. It’s too gross.

19 – 24 points: You know how they say that when you’re addicted to heroin you lose your sex drive because the feeling you get from heroin is 100x better than sex? That’s kind of how you’re going to die. Not from heroin. From pizza. You’re going to eat the most delicious pizza in the whole world. There will be nothing else that could possibly compare to the pleasure you’ll get from this magic pizza. It will be so incredible that your body will just shut down afterwards. I envy you.