Emo News Weather Report

Shiloh Tompson: Hello and welcome to the only news you need to know, and if you don’t think that you need to know it….you just don’t understand and should probably change the channel to some mainstream facist garbage. Now with an update on the weather we go to Meg in the field.

Meg: The weather today is a reflection of the inner most pain of my soul. The rain is pouring down like the tears of my unfathomable sorrow and it looks as though, much like my pain, there is no end in sight. I would suggest an umbrella, but only if you want to conform like all of the other facists. Back to you Shiloh

Shiloh: Wow, thank you for that introspective look into the rain and your soul Meg. I cried a single tear for you and saved it in a wine glass for you to see when you get back. I guess I will have to put on and extra tight zip up hoodie later today when I go to starbucks to work on my novel. Speaking of Starbucks there is an important news break involving their hours being shifted. We go toMaliki for the full story

Maliki: It seems that Starbucks has gotten “tired” of people like us just using their facilities to promote our way of life and is going to begin closing earlier due to lack of sales. I asked the manager why he thought it was necessary to close his venue two hours earlier and he candidly replied, “because you people never buy anything and its a waste of money for us”. When I asked him what he meant by “you people” he replied “emo kids”. Truly shocking.

Shiloh: I guess there just aren’t places that believe in supporting the underground anymore. This is a sad day for Emos everywhere. A boycott of Starbucks has been formally announced by the head of the Emos for Non-conformism committee, but it is likely that, because so little money was contributed from our party before the boycott it will be a long time before change is seen. Thats all the time we have for this week, but be sure to tune in next week when we discuss the importance of torn jeans, and whether or not they are becoming too conformist.