Everyone has first times. There's a first for eating that nice juicy pickle, there's a first for sex, there's a first for safe sex. This is my first on this site. Everything on this site for me is a first. Nothing is familiar, I don't know what I'm going to do, seriously, I'm freaking out. This article will contain a large amount of swearing, so if you're a small child or recovering from tourettes (or a small child recovering from tourettes) don't read this.

Like, seriously, what the fuck man. I open up the page and right in front of me I see a short scroll bar, and when I see one of those I say to myself "holy crap, I should've just walked my dog." So I scroll down, and I'm panting, and I'm panting, then I tell my girlfriend to get out of under the desk, because my den isn't a whore house. I'm scrolling, and scrolling and this time, I'm panting from the exhaustion. Right there, that's a plus. This site is promoting healthy babies. Babies who aren't fat are more likely to succeed in their respective fields when they grow old.

Boobs, I see boobs everywhere on this site. That is all for this paragraph…….. I lied…… boobs.

What's not to like about this site, it is wonderfully wonderful. I get several erections a day, now I must endure a couple of more because of this site.

Congratulations penis, you won yourself a little more "up time". AWWW YEAH!

-Mitchell