I Just Don't Get Drunk

I’m telling you, I don’t get drunk. Try me.

Listen, I’M NOT DRUNK. AND I’M NOT SHOUTING. It’s just really loud in here. And this juice, man, there’s just something about the Tropicana Some Pulp Tropical Blend that gets me GOING. Probably the infusion of pineapple. Can you add a bit more vodka here, buddy.

HAHAHAHAHAHA. What?

Yeah I know I just tripped. It’s because this place is a f*cking dump. What are you thinking leaving a—what is this—a piece of RIBBON on the carpet?! COME ON, I could have died!

You guys are AWESOME. Let’s take a pitcher. Come on, say, “Facebook!” Why is this not working? Piece of sh-oh, HA, I was taking video. Guys, I was taking VIDEO! “Taking video?” Is that the way you say that?

Don’t go chasing waterfalls. Please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you’re used to…. God, that is such a good song! You remebber—reNEMber that song? I didn’t slur. That wasn’t a SLUR! It’s juss a really hard word, ok.

Ah man, I juss hurled. Nahd because of the booze though. I ate some really weird sh*t today. Yeah, like, like, a slightly stale ENGLISH MUFFIN. That’ll f*ck you up. That weird powdery, granuley stuff on the outside? Indigestion in the hizzouse!

You’re so drunk.