Facebook: Not Just For Creeping Exes Anymore

I guess one of the things that have changed in the whole Web 2.0 revolution is an increase in using the Internet for non-masturbatory purposes. I don’t really get it. Until last year, I thought the Ethernet cable that sticks out the back of my computer was called the ‘Porno Cord.’ But what’s really alien to me is how people are now using the Internet to raise awareness on various humanitarian issues.

You don’t have to look any farther than Facebook to see how people are putting their dicks away (at least for a few minutes) in order to try and make a difference in the world. I don’t know how genuine people are when they add that ridiculous ‘Causes‘ application to their profile but I suspect that they are doing it for the same reason that Bono fights AIDS in $1000 sunglasses: delicious irony.

What better way to mobilize people and foster change in the world than to put a little box on a profile that no one sees unless you’re some hot chick with at least two albums worth of pictures of you and your friends getting ready to go clubbing. It all seems a little shallow to me.

Maybe I’m heartless, but in the last week I’ve rejected seven invitations to add ‘Causes’, 4 invites to join ‘If this group reaches 1 mil, I will run around the world for AIDS,’ and 2 requests to ‘Save Darfur.’ To me, there are better ways to pay lip service and ease my conscience than cluttering up my Facebook profile with applications and widgets that make me look like a hippie. Besides, it would cheapen the whole movement if someone looked at my profile and saw that not only am I e-joining the fight against poverty, but I’m a member of ‘I Love Boobies.’

No, I guess I’m old-school. I scour my news feed looking for slutty pictures of my sister’s friends, give myself a Stranger, and log off. No humanitarian breaks. No finding cures. Nothing. Except for some Jetman.

But Group-Joining and Application-Adding aren’t the only ways that people can give the illusion that they care about something other than how many people commented on their note about their tough day. I’ve noticed another trend in e-making-a-difference that people have also adopted quite readily: Wall-posting Amber Alerts. SWEET! Because that’s what I like doing while I’m creeping on people’s profiles: fighting crime!

I guess what I’m trying to say is adding these lame little poverty-fighting widgets and spamming me about how a baby was abducted by her mother (something I thought was impossible) is an inefficient way to bring about change. Want to make a real difference in the world? Pick up a sign and take to the streets. And if the police use a water-cannon to keep the protesters at bay, make sure you post those pics ASAP because nothing says ‘Free Tibet’ like 60 chicks in wet t-shirts.