Roommate Confessions

Rooommate Confessions is back and better than ever! It’s been a solid month since the last one so we’ve got a lot of goodies stored up. Check them out and don’t forget to send yours to RoommateConfessions@GMail.com

My roommate used to go home every other weekend but his parents are so overprotective that they had to come pick him up and take him home (he lives 20 minutes away) and leave his car on campus. One time he left me his keys, so we took some glamour shots of his 2006 Toyota Camry and put them up on Craigslist, asking much lower than the car is actually worth and put his phone number. He recieved over 50 calls that weekend and only we could take the ad down. Obviously we didnt no matter how hard he begged.
Matt, Chapman University

After catching you browsing those nude photos of yourself, I almost immediately informed my best pal. He was just as digusted as I was. And remember when you were visiting home and I called asking for your computer password because my “laptop had crashed”? We found that “peep show” album. Kudos on the photo editing or at least the complimenting camera technique. All of that pizza and Mountain Dew you stuff your face with barely showed.
Mary, Appalachian State University

I had the freshman year roommate from hell. She was a Christian total prude who listened to godawful choir music, never left the room ever and judged me every time I went to a party or brought a boy to the room (which was rarely). Worst of all, she was blind, so I couldn’t even get annoyed at her for any of this. But then one night, after a year of putting up with her shit, I drunkenly came back from a party with a guy I just met and politely asked her if she could sleep on the couch outside. She said no. But we climbed into my bed and got down to business anyway. We were trying to be quiet but she could totally hear what was going on, and she got really mad and got her stick and tapped her way out of the room. Later she brought a judicial case against me for violating the guest policy. But by that point I had moved out to a room where I could have drunken one night stands in peace.
L, Some State School

You mooched off of me, kept me up til all-hours of the morning talking to your boyfriend on webcam (when you weren’t fucking him five feet away from my head) and went and cried in a corner when i preferred the company of our other roommates over you. The night you accused me of being racist, however, I waited until you left to make your teary little phone calls, masturbated, and cleaned off my vibrator on your pillows. Sweet dreams!
Katie, School Not Given

During my sofomore year in the dorms I lived next to two guys who would forget to shut off their alarms when they went home for the weekend. After the 3rd or so Saturday of being kept awake at 9:30 by an alarm clock, my roommate and I got our revenge. I peed in a shallow pan, froze it in our mini fridge, then when it was good and hard I knocked it out of the pan and slid it under their door one night. It’s called a piss puck and it worked like a charm. I am sure for the rest of the year each guy thought the other one had pissed in the middle of their floor.
Eric, University of Iowa