• 
  I was having trouble with two-dimensional arrays in my C++ class, and my dad explained it to me so I could figure my programs out! I wouldn't have passed that class without him! – Jacob

• I couldn't figure out why I was having so much trouble with my newly installed Vista operating system. My mom walked by and said, "Should've gotten a Mac, dumbass!" She's so smart! - Kelsey, FSU

• I asked my dad why he preferred Firefox's tabbed browsing to Internet Explorers. The next day he had a 10-page typed thesis on the benefits of using Firefox over IE, and why Firefox's browsing is superior. It's really an interesting read. - Terry K.

• My grandma just switched to a Gmail account because of its faster functions and simpler layout, plus it has almost a limitless amount of inbox space! - Tom, Wichita State

Finally, this week's winner of the Ungrateful Little Bastard Award is Mike P., who submitted this.

• My dad's so retarded. He keeps asking me if my computer is "ibum-compatible"!

Looks like someone's not getting that new iPhone for their birthday!