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Sean Curry

A Tale of Two Sodas

by Sean Curry on

Dr. Pepper walks out of a coffeeshop, counting his change, and accidentally bumps into Mr. Pibb.

Dr. Pepper: Oh, pardon me I wasn’t looking where I was going- Pibb?
Mr. Pibb: Doc! Oh man, hey Doc, what’s up?
Dr. Pepper: Mr. Pibb, I, uh… good to see you, how have you been?
Mr. Pibb: You know, chilling, doing my thing. About to head down to Mickey Dee’s, grab me a Big Mac. I’m maad hungry cause I dropped the biggest deuce this morning!
Dr. Pepper: Ahh, yes, that’s…. delightful. Well, I must be get going, I’m meeting-
Mr. Pibb: Oh, sh*t, who you meeting? Coke? Pepsi?
Dr. Pepper: Um, no one, just, uh, a friend from out of town-
Mr. Pibb: You’re meeting Fanta? Is she in the States?
Dr. Pepper: No, she’s not. Nevermind, I’m just late.
Mr. Pibb: Oh, true, true. Hey didn’t see you at RC’s party last weekend, it was off the hook! Slice was there, Tab, and all the Dew Brothers!
Dr. Pepper: Mountain Dew was there?
Mr. Pibb: Oh, no. Just Code Red and Game Fuel. But it was crazy, Tab hooked up with both of them! I always thought she opened from the other end of the can, but I guess not.
Dr. Pepper: Yes, well, sorry I missed out on the… “fun”. It’s just that Sprite and I were trying out this new sushi place uptown. I meant to stop by afterwards, but I just lost track of time, and…
Mr. Pibb: Yeah, yeah, sure. I bet you just went to one of those fancy parties that Barq’s throws all the time, right? I’m right, aren’t I? Haha, just poppin’ yer top, man.
Dr. Pepper: …right.
Mr. Pibb: Hey man, we should totally hang out some time! Just like college, Pepper and Pibb, tearin’ it up! Remember our beer pong team name?
Dr. Pepper: Oh yes, P-
Mr. Pibb: Pibber! Yeah man, that was so much fun. College was crazy.
Dr. Pepper: Yes, it was fun. Ten years ago.
Mr. Pibb: Yeah, yeah, totally.
Sam’s Club Dr. Radical: ‘scuse me gentlemen, could you spare any change?
Mr. Pibb: Ooh, sorry, don’t have any, man.
Dr. Pepper: I only carry plastic.

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Two years ago I get assigned a roommate from Bangladesh. Its his first time ever out of his country. His first words to me were Hello how tastes it. Interesting start right. Two days later i walk in to see cheese slices all over the walls. The cheese slices have writing on them. I confront him about it and he tells me he thought they were post it notes. Apparently they do... Read More » not have dairy in back home because he had never seen cheese before. Days after that he blows up the microwave by putting a pot of eggs in it. It is at this point that I give up on the guy. After a few weeks I notice his part of the dorm smells like ass so I confront him about it. He then goes on to explain that he has been waiting for the servants to come by for his laundry. Of all the people why did I get this guy? In the three months I lived with him he washed once and never quite understood that we did not have servants and that Americans utilize cows.