Mullet Over: A Real American Love Story

‚ ¼span>‚ ¼/span>JohnBuckhalt Jr. clanked his hand-me-down pick up truck up the gravel roadway andeased it into its usual spot next to his cousin Jed’s El Camino.When his father bought the truck it wasa deep red, but now the years had worn away most of the paint and huge bites ofrust had been taken out of the side.ŠAs John Jr. made his way into the trailer the long end of his curly,golden mullet brushed against his sweaty neck.He took off his John Deere cap, ran his fingers through thebusiness part of his hair and wiped his forehead clean.

‚‚‚‚‚“J.J.!That you?” his father bellowed from the couch as the screen door slammed shut.‚‚‚‚‚“Yeahpaw,” he responded.‚‚‚‚‚“Wherethe hell you been?” belched John Sr. between sips of his breakfast beer.‚‚‚‚‚JohnJr. plopped down on the lazy-boy next to his father and took a deepbreath.“I was at Joellen’spaw.I spent the night,” he saidwith a slouch.‚‚‚‚‚“Wellwhat’s so bad about that boy?You shouldfeel lucky to have such pretty young thang to shack up with every night.”‚‚‚‚‚“Ido paw.It’s just…awnevermind.“J.J. got up andstarted to walk to the kitchen/bathroom.‚‚‚‚‚“Nowhold it right there boy.Grab meanother beer and come sit down for a chat with your old man.“John Buckhalt Sr. was as much of a lowdown drunk as the next piece of unemployed trailer trash that lived in PineBluff, Arkansas.But at least hewas there for his son, something few men in that area could say forthemselves.He snapped open thefresh brew, sipped the foam and put a firm hand on his son’s shoulder.“Tell me what’s wrong boy.”‚‚‚‚‚“Wellpaw, I was with Joellen last night, and we was…well, you know…we was…”‚‚‚‚‚“Youwas fuckin’?” interrupted John Sr. trying to speed things along.‚‚‚‚‚“Yeah,we was fuckin’.”‚‚‚‚‚“Youbeen wearing some o’ them condoms?” ‚‚‚‚‚“Nahpaw, you know they be makin’ my dick all kinds o’ itchy.”‚‚‚‚‚“Nowboy, if I told you once I’ve told you a thousand times,” said John Sr. sternlyas he leaned towards his son and narrowed his eyes.“I don’t want you raw doggin’ it because it makes yo’ dickitch, I want you raw doggin’ it because them condoms is the devil’s work.”‚‚‚‚‚“Well,anyways, we was fuckin’ an right in the middle she turns ˜round and says sheloves me.”‚‚‚‚‚“Wellwhat did you say to her?” asked John Sr. with a sip of his beer.‚‚‚‚‚“Ididn’t say nothin’, I just turned her over an’ smacked her fun bags an’ thenkept fuckin’.”‚‚‚‚‚“That’smy boy!”‚‚‚‚‚“Well,anyhows paw, I was just wonderin’ how ya know when yer in love?When did you know you loved maw?”‚‚‚‚‚“Hmm…that’sa good question boy.I s’pose thatfer me, I didn’t really know it until our wedding day.I was standing up there on the alter anthe minister asked me, ˜Do you take this here woman to be yer lofty, dreddedwife?’ and I felt this little cold feelin right in the middle of my back.”‚‚‚‚‚“Likechills down yer spine?”‚‚‚‚‚“Naw,it was just yer gran-pappy holdin his ol’ 12 gauge ˜gainst my back.”‚‚‚‚‚“Oh.”‚‚‚‚‚“Thatdoesn’t help to much does it J.J.?”‚‚‚‚‚JohnJr. just shook his head in disappointment.‚‚‚‚‚“Hmm…perhapsyou should talk to yer momma ˜bout these sorts o’ things.”‚‚‚‚‚JohnJr. called for his mother but she was over at the neighbors watching her“stories” and sharing a box of wine and couldn’t be disturbed.So he walked across the trailer parkand over to ŠŠŠSo instead he got back in his rusted pickup and drove downthe road to Pig Pie’s.‚‚‚‚‚Carl“Pig Pie” Johnson had been best friends with J.J. Buckhalt ever since the thirdgrade when they were on the same Pop Warner football team together.J.J. was quarterback and Pig Pie washis right guard.They kept thoseroles all the way through grade school including 6 years of high school each.Neither graduated.‚‚‚‚‚“PigPie you fat fuck, git yer big, jiggly ass out here! We’re goin to the stripclub,” yelled J.J. with his head out his window.‚‚‚‚‚All350 pounds of Pig Pie came rolling out of his trailer, which bounced upwards afew feet with a relief of pressure.‚‚‚‚‚“Man,I told you to lay off the fat jokes, I’m losin’ weight.I’m doin some ˜er that Atkins diet,“retorted Pig Pie.‚‚‚‚‚“PigPie, you ain’t gonna lose any weight when you eat a eight big mac’s every dayfer lunch whether yer eatin’ the buns er not.“And with that the two were mostly quiet for the rest of thedrive to Bubba’s Big Boob Bonanza.ŠUntil, that is about halfway through the drive.‚‚‚‚‚“J.J.why we goin to the strip club?” Pig Pie questioned curiously.‚‚‚‚‚“Idunno Pig Pie, I just gotta blow off some steam.”‚‚‚‚‚“Whatsamatter J.J.?”‚‚‚‚‚J.J.took a deep sigh, contemplating whether or not his overweight friend couldreally help.Pig Pie had alwaysbeen his best friend, but he had never been a particularly deepindividual.“Pig Pie, you everbeen in love?”‚‚‚‚‚“Inlove?” Pig Pie contemplated.“Ilove bacon.”‚‚‚‚‚“No,Pig Pie…”‚‚‚‚‚“Ilove my momma…and football…Oh! And Beer! I loooove Beer!” he continued with ajiggle of his many chins.‚‚‚‚‚“PigPie! That’s not what I meant!ŠJust…forget it!We’re hereanyways.”‚‚‚‚‚Thesouthern companions made their way through the strip club and straight to thebar where each ordered up a beer.ŠPig Pie found a seat in the front row.His chair buckled as he collapsed into it startling thebearded old drunk next to him who had been there, asleep from the nightbefore.J.J. meanwhile hovered inthe back sipping his beer alone until one stripper, one of the more fitstrippers walked up to him.‚‚‚‚‚“Heyfella, what’s a handsome boy like you doin’ all by yer lonesome back here?“asked the stripper.She waswearing a jet-black thong that matched her dark skin and nothing else.“Interest you in a lap dance?”‚‚‚‚‚J.J.didn’t have a lot of cash on him and knew that a lap dance would wipe himout.Yet, something about theNubian queen standing before him, her nipples exposed and her white smilegleaming intrigued him.She ranher fingers through the long curls hanging off the back of his head and walkedtowards a back room motioning for him to follow her.J.J. grew up in a world where theterm African-American, let alone black, was seldom used when referring topeople like this stripper.Henever felt too much animosity towards black people himself.In fact, all of his best and favoritereceivers on the high school football team were black.His bus driver in 4 gradeMr. Carter was black and he was always friendly and even would remembereveryone’s birthdays, bringing them blow pops and having the whole bus sing tothem.The color of this woman’sskin only made her exotic to J.J. and so he followed.“Have a seat hon’,” she beckoned asJ.J. poked his head into the room.ŠHe walked to the couch in the corner of the room and somewhatreluctantly plopped down.Cocoabegan to dance, gyrating her hips, bending around and slowly nearing J.J. untilshe was on his lap.“What’s your name?” J.J. askedawkwardly.“Cocoa Bidet,” said Cocoa nothesitating with the smooth and intricate flow of her seductive dance.“No I mean, what’s your real name?“he asked into her ass, with a tone that made it clear he was not reallysavoring the private show.“Whatsa mattah sugah?” she asked,stopping the lap dance and turning around to face him.“Cocoa, have you ever been inlove?” inquired J.J. looking up from the ground and staring back into her eyes.‚‚‚‚‚Cocoawasn’t used to having customers stare at her eyes.This young hillbilly intrigued her. ¼/span>“Yeah sugah, I’ve been in love before,“she said putting her top back on.‚‚‚‚‚“Howdid you know?“His blue eyes stillfixed on hers.‚‚‚‚‚“Geesugah, that’s a tough question.Iguess…you just know.”‚‚‚‚‚“Oh,“he said with a sigh and a drop of his shoulders.‚‚‚‚‚“Hmm…closeyer eyes sugah,” she said putting her hand on J.J.‘s as he hesistated but thenlistened, trusting her for some reason.ŠHe closed his eyes and took a deep breath.“Now then sugah, picture yerselftwenty years from now.“He pausedfor a second, thinking, then nodded silently.“You’re a lot older, probably a bit fatter and balder.I bet you got a nice job.”“Well, I guess so.They promoted me to manager at thefireworks factory.And I still gotmost of my fingers,” said John Jr. with the slight workings of a smile startingto form.“Now then, you get home from a longday’s work and who do you picture greeting you at the door?Is it her?”‚‚‚‚‚“Yeah!She’s there! We’ve got our own trailerand seven little kids with their own little mullets. Business in the front,” hecontinued with a sniffle, getting a little choked up, “party in the back.And-”‚‚‚‚‚“Sugah.If you care ˜bout this girl enough to want to spend your life with her and havekids with her, then I think that means yer in love.”‚‚‚‚‚“Youreally think so?”“I know so sugah.”“Thanks, Cocoa!Thanks so much!” he exclaimed jumpingout of his seat.He reached intohis pocket to pay Cocoa but before he could pull out the cash her hand met his.‚‚‚‚‚“Keepit sugah.Buy her some flowerswith it.”‚‚‚‚‚“Cocoa,yer the best!” he exclaimed, and with that he was off to proclaim his love forJoellen in such a hurry that he left Pig Pie drooling over a particularlychunky stripper with her crotch in his face. ‚