John Mayer's 10 Year Reunion

Lydia: Wow, it’s so great to see you guys.

Ted: Definitely. I can’t believe it’s been ten years already.

Brian: We sure had some good times back in high school.

Lydia: Oh no.

Ted: What?

Lydia: Look who just burst through the double doors.

Brian: Is that…John Mayer? Standing on a table?

Ted: Oh God! That guys was such a weirdo. I remember this one time in gym when he refused to get changed and run up to the bleachers to write a song about some cat that fell in love with a dog or something.

Brian: Yeah, Coach Riggs had to carry him down right?

Lydia: Haha. I remember that!

Ted: Oh great, here he comes.

John Mayer: Oh hi, Brian, Ted, Lydia.

All: Hi John Mayer.

John Mayer: I guess you’ve all heard. I’m quite famous now.

Brian: Yeah, we heard all about your music career.

John Mayer: What have you guys been up to? Just sitting there taking the right track? With your faded white hats?

Brian: Actually I live in Florida now and…

John Mayer: Grabbing credits, making transfers? Reading all the books but unable to find the answers?

Brian: No, I’m pretty happy actually. My wife and I just had our second child last May and…

John Mayer: What about you Lydia? Still on a high from senior gala when you swept away the competition in your crown of lies?

Lydia: What the hell are you talking about?

John Mayer: I bet life turned out just the way you had hoped didn’t it? Married the star quarterback? Two point five kids? Just the way you planned it. Plotted out in black and white.

Lydia: No, Trevor and I broke up. And I’m single. I’m the district attorney for…

John Mayer: (singing) They love to tell you, stay inside the lines.

Ted: How did John Mayer get a guitar?

Brian: And a sound system?

Lydia: Yeah he definitely didn’t come in here with that.

John Mayer: …but something’s better on the other side.

Lydia: John Mayer what are you doing…?

John Mayer: I want to run through the halls of my high school, I wanna scream at the top of my lungs. I just found out there’s no such thing as the…

Brian lands a right hook square in John Mayer’s jaw.

Ted: Wow, I guess he’s famous…but he’s still a huge pussy.

The three friends laugh and sip on punch.

Just then John Mayer comes from behind and spears the entire neck of his guitar straight through Brian’s heart. Brian falls to the ground, helpless and bloodied.

John Mayer: I am invincible. I’m invincible as long as I’m…(sighs). Man, I hate high school.