Would You Survive A Bear Attack?

You scored:

-1 points: So, you’re a girl from the city. You’ve never been camping. You carry a switchblade comb and, to top it all off, you’re handicapped. Honestly, do you need me to tell you that you’d get f*cking eaten by a bear? The only reason you would ever survive a bear attack would be because the bear pitied you. You should never go near the woods or anywhere with more than one tree.

0 – 10 points: No. You’re not surviving any bear attack. Bears are ruthless killing machines and if a bear wants to destroy you it will. Your best course of defense is to never get attacked by a bear. If you do get attacked by a bear then try your best to die quickly. Aim your head directly for it’s mouth and hope for the worst.

11 – 14 points: There’s no way you’re surviving a grizzly attack, but you could walk away from a black bear unharmed. You may not be as strong as a bear, but you’d put up a good fight, good enough for the bear to give up and find an easier meal elsewhere. But here’s another thing. Black bears usually don’t attack unless they feel threatened. Stop messing with bears you crazy asshole.

15 points: You would survive a grizzly bear attack. In fact, you’d win the fight and probably eat the bear afterwards. You’re a rare breed of rugged mountain man, one of the last of your kind. Manliness pours from every inch of your body. There’s no reason you should be on a computer. Stop living this domesticated life forced onto you by society. Go back to the mountains and live in the wild, eating raw meat with your bare hands like nature intended.