Unused Super Bowl Commercial Ideas

Campbell’s Chunky Soup – Looking to promote their new “Eat Like a Pussy” line of edibles, Campbell’s developed a new TV spot extolling the virtues of the meat-less, broth-less, vegetable-less canned good. Sadly, the FCC pulled thead when they found out that the principal ingrediant of the new line was, oddly enough, vaginal secretions.

Geico – Realizing that the tired “gecko” mascot had run its course, Geico attempted to move into the 21st century by killing off the gecko and replacing it with a new, fiercer animal. This ad was relegated to the junk heap when marketing execs were unable to choose between Snarf from Thundercats and Jar Jar Binks.

Chevrolet – Chevy attempted to capitalize on the wildly popular John Mellencamp “This is Our Country” ads by releasing ads featuring Mellencamp’s new tune, “Illegal Immigrants Have a Right To Be Here, Too”. Focus groups decided that the song would not resonate with the coveted 18-36 age demographic, and Mellencamp was taken out back and humanely beaten to death.

Vytorin – Under pressure from researchers who said that the anti-chloesterol drug did not improve, and in fact worsened, the cardiovascular health of patients in a university study, the makers of Vytorin decided to debut a new line of ads. Unfortunately, the message of, “Vytorin – At Least It Probably Won’t Give You Herpes,” rubbed network execs the wrong way, and Vytorin’s ads were pulled.

NFL.com – With their, “I WANT THAT!” ads a runaway success, the marketing team at NFL.com decided to embrace the hedonistic, purchase-driven society of America even furthur by unveiling the new slogan, “I’LL BUY ANY KIND OF USELESS SHIT AS LONG AS IT HAS A TEAM LOGO PAINTED ON IT”. Due to a font size error, the ad was never released.

Sandals Vacation Resorts – With the economy approaching a massive recession, the honeymoon vacation company shut down its picturesque Caribbean beachside hotels in favor of domestic vacation sites such as Buttfuck, WI and Shitsville, OK. Demand was low, even after a clever intern devised the poetic, “Sandals – Now You Don’t Have to TakeA Fucking Plane and Spend a Shitload of Money Just to Get a Blowjob” slogan. Sandals is now looking a merger with Super 8 motels.

Scion – With concern over lagging sales and unattractive products growing, the low-priced car company pulled its trendy, youthful ads off the air and replaced them with more budget-conscious spots featuring Wilferd Brimley ranting about diabet-is while driving a Scion xB. Tragedy occured when Brimley dozed off at the wheel, and medics from Life Alert were unable to revive him despite the latest in 1980s technology.