Meet the Spartans ushers in the end of days....

Well Meet the Spartans grossed 18 million dollars this weekend and was the number one movie in the box office. As a religious man I can only conclude this signals the end of humanity as we know it and want to congratulate mankind on a pretty darn good run at things. Sure we’ve had our little hiccups along the way, the crusades anyone? But overall I am pretty impressed but what we’ve accomplished with our time here on earth. The wheel, the domestication of animals, the creation of a democratic government, the lean mean fat reducing grilling machine with bun warmer; these and more will be remembered by the race of super intelligent cockroaches that gain control of the earth in the next few decades. And I hope they will marvel at great things we simple bipedal humanoids did.

Who would’ve thought after surviving the black plague, world wars, and the day after tomorrow, our race’s decline would be ushered in by Kevin Sorbo, Method Man, and screen writers Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. It is clear now that these two scribes are the Devil’s left and right hand.

The irony is we can not say we we’re caught in surprise by the end of days. The signs were all there. Scary Movie 3 and 4 were prophesied by Nostradamus hundreds of years ago. The recreation of Israel, the conglomeration of the European monetary unit and Epic Movie are all referenced in the book of Revelations. Even the trailer for Meet the Spartans was full of signs that this was the end. Pop culture references that are so “flavor of the week” that no one 10 years from now could possibly find them funny, or even understand them. It is all too clear now that man-kind was never meant to live long enough for these references to be “irrelevant”.

The peak of the Dark One’s plan could be seen in a Rambo joke that blatantly steals from the parody movie Mafia!. Parodying a movie that came out the same weekend as Spartans, plus stealing a joke from another satire movie that is mediocre at best; This kind of evil can be found verbatim in the pages of the Necronomicon itself.

So fellow humans, I invite you to tell your loved ones how you feel, enjoy the last few days of beauty this planet has to offer, and pray to whatever Deity it is you worship. As a follower of the Norse religions, I will await Ragnarok’s sweet embrace, and look forward to being devoured by the Fenris wolf along side my savior Thor and his college roommate Loki.