Sweet nothings that in all likelihood will negate obligatory Valentine's Day sex

- If my love for you was a mountain, inexperienced hikers would often become disoriented and die trying to reach the summit.

- If my love for you was my fist, I wouldn’t be able to fit the entire thing in my mouth like I can now.

- If my love for you was a shallow attempt at having sexual intercourse, I’d be blunt but slightly ambiguous about telling you.

- If my love for you was ocean water after you’ve just gotten back from a swim, it’d be salty and all over your face.

- If my love for you was a manatee, I’d stop trying to clip them with my speedboat.

- If my love for you was like anal, then this relationship wouldn’t be going anywhere, despite subtle hints, now would it?

*-If my love was like the writers’ strike, I’d wish it would be over so I could go back to watching TV.