Is it so wrong to want to get to know someone better? Yes, yes it is. Most people get tired of talking about the weather, and joking about kidnapping exotic animals and mailing them to each other as pets and eventually want to have a real conversation. My advice is to avoid this at all costs, because once someone starts to tell you information about themselves, they want you to remember it.

Look, I'm not the most popular guy, but I have a good number of friends. How do you expect me to remember menial things such as favorite colors? The way Crayola expanded in the 1980's, its hard enough for a person to decipher such things for themselves. And that's just the simple stuff! Everyone has to prove they're a unique little snowflake. Unless you have a name tag on reminding me you're an orphan, please do not get upset if I ask you how your folks are doing, I'm just trying to be nice. And if you were not driven off the road in the middle of the night by a screaming maniac in a green Volkswagen Bug back in July of '98, then I have nothing to do with your life-threatening fear of clowns and I am sorry for trying to throw you a proper birthday party.

I don't have a good memory for names, and an even worse one for faces. I know you're my uncle, but seriously, a lot of old guys come up to me on the street and I ignore them, why would that change at my grandmother's house on Thanksgiving; I am trying to enjoy my holiday. There is nothing I hate more than someone getting upset with me because I called them the wrong name. Its not like I called it out in the heat of passion. If it makes you feel better, I promise, the next time I'm giving the toast at your wedding, I'll get it right. Geez, the things people will stop returning your phone calls for these days.

I understand the need for people to feel a close connection with their friends or romantic partners and I do try, its just I'm not one of these savants when it comes to remembering things. So the next time you want to blame me for skipping my nephew's baptism to have a 'Godfather and Goldschlauger' marathon with my buddies, instead perhaps you should give me credit for getting some part of it right.