Stuff You Don't Care About But Will Help You Get Laid

Friends. It is possible that we’ve entered into a Britney Spears-free zone for the next 3-14 days! Get out the party hats and the vodka shots (but don’t let Britney have any)!

Oops, She Did it Again: Yup, Britney’s been committed to her second hospital psych ward, after family, friends, her lawyers, a shrink and the LAPD staged an intervention bigger than the Superbowl. She is now resting comfortable and receiving treatment – in the form of medicine and not tacos, booze and cigarettes – for her bipolar disorder. The girl hadn’t slept in five days, was taking ten laxatives a day, and was driving around like a lunatic. Let’s hope she gets a break – and gives us one too. [DListed]

But first, here are some pics of Britney wearing a white, see-through half-shirt a few days before her recent nervous breakdown. Staring at her nipples makes my stomach feel chaotic. Blergh. [WWTDD]

Stars Are Bi: Paris Hilton and Jack Bauer’s daughter were snapped making out at a club here in NYC this week, which would be fine and totally hot if Elisha Cuthbert didn’t look like an angry muppet. Do you think she licked Paris’ wonky eye open? Is it even possible to get herpes from an eyeball? Okay, this is done now. [WWTDD]

He Blinded Me with Scientology: Katie Holmes is apparently all upset and embarrassed by the leaked videos of her insane hubby ranting about Scientology. Funny, if I were her, I’d be more mortified by a little movie called Mad Money – that didn’t make any money. [IDLYITW]

I Wish They All Could Be Hugh Hefner’s Girls: OMG, I LOVE The Girls Next Door, and this picture of them is clutch! They each look like they’re hiding a secret: Holly is secretly fingering Bridget’s butt, Bridget secretly likes it, and Kendra is not-so-secretly morphing into Jenna Jameson. [CelebSlam]

So Complicated: I would have thought Avril Lavigne would have magically become way more likable in a bikini, but judging from these pics she’s still a twat, just with more skin. [Egotastic]

Tits & Ass: In more important world news, Jenna Jameson jumped out a cake and performed a striptease. Things will get better when she puts some clothes (and some bodyfat) on. [Egotastic]

Her Boobs Are Toxic: Here’s video of just one more Britney boob slip, in case she’s locked up for a while. [HollywoodTuna]

Let It Be: The media is doing all it can to drag Heath Ledger’s dead body through the mud. He did drugs. He died. Let it go, and start worrying about all the people doing drugs who are still alive. Snap/Zing/Dissed and Dismissed! [CelebSlam]

Finally my friends, if you are over the age of 18 and live in a state that is voting this Tuesday, go do it! VOTE!!! Do it for Britney, who’ll be too doped up on meds to get to the ballot box.

I am from Boston, so you know what that means.
EFF THE GIANTS,
Kate Brady