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Sean Curry

Beer Review

by Sean Curry on

Listen, could you put down that Keystone for a moment? I’d like to do you a favor. You know, the world of beer more than just Natties, Millers, and Beasts. Day after day, I see a variety of excellent lagers, stouts, and ales passed up for fear of sampling something not featured in a Super Bowl commercial. So I’ve decided to make it easy for you: below I review 15 beers; some you may not have heard of, and some tried and true. Please, open your ears and, in turn, open your palates to a new brew:


 Winter’s Bourbon Cask Ale
Delicious. I eagerly anticipate the coming of the colder months and the variety of seasonal brews they bring, and the good people at Anheuser have developed an insanely good taste experience. A little thicker than what a typical beer drinker may be used to, but the vanilla after taste and subsequent warming feeling will hook most drinkers immediately. Red body, little to no head, and an overall vanilla/caramel aroma.

 Samuel Adams Cherry Wheat
Though the name is “Cherry Wheat”, I was surprised at the amount of cherry flavor I encountered. I found the beer to be a little too strong for my tastes, though someone with a sweet tooth may find it enjoyable. I chugged the rest of it after two sips, just to get it out of the way. Thin head, orange body, and overall too sweet.

 Brooklyn Monster Ale
Good Loard. “11% Alcohol by Volume” puts this… concoction in a clash by itself. Thish is no longer a beer, this bottled animal is a 12 ounces of liquid insanity. I would feel sorry for the man forced to drink an entire 6 pack of this. I downed this quickly as to.move on to a hopefully more enjoyable experience. Starts bitter but mellows out as you finish it, strong taste of hops, and very high in alocohol content.




 Uncle Funtime’s Big Time Brew
After rushing the last two selections, I was hoping that thiz beer from an independent, Trenton-area microbrewery would be something i could spend my time on. Sadly, i found myself staring at the bottom of an empty bottle much sooner than i expected. i think it was peretty good

Blue Moon
Ah, Blue Moon. A beer which has never failed to dissapponit me. Tit’s got this orangey taste to it, which is superly accented by the… alcohol in it I like this beer a bunch. kinda sweet, Yellowish-pale amber color.
 Heineken
I’ve never liked this beer too much, but right now I can’t really tsate it ver well. It’s pretty good I guess. Hey man, what are you drinking? Are you drinking something? what!? well why the hell should I be drinking alone? Crack one open, man, it’s dreer binking time!
 Yuengling
Seriously dude, try one of these these beers is sooo good. Serusly. Seriously dude. Plus it’s like, sooo cheap, too! Like, this is totallyy like on the level of Sam Adams, but its%s priced like Bud or cOORS OR SOMETHING! THIS BEER IS REALLY GO oh sorry caps lock but for real this beer is real godd.

 Glass of Water
I jus need a brake for a second man, drain the lizzerd, break the seal. That Monster Beer from before was so… yo, did you see that movie? The one that just came out, with the monster? Scarletfield? Cloverfield! YEs! that movie looks sick! i want to see it so bad.

 Magic Hat #9
1, 2, 3… GO! Chug man, chug it! Chug that beer dude! Come on! Alrith, flipit, you’ve almost got it, just a little less force this tiime. YES!

 Rum and Coke
OK, so, techniciially, yeah, this isn’t a beer, but com one, who even really kares? i’ll get bakc to the beers in a asecond. besides, i took a drink of water before and… wait, that would be… whatevz.
 Guinness
don be sush a dick, maan. fine, lokk, im drimkn beer again, OK?
 Pizza
OH MY GOD, BEST IDEA EVER. SERUSSLY, THIS IS SUCH A GOOD PIE, MAN, LIKE, OH MY FREAKING- hey doode back off guy funny lookin guy thish ish my pizza i bought it you can’t have any seriiusly no shut up ill get back to the review in a secund well fine then ill just do this buer then

 Funny Lookin’ Guy’s Half-Finished Something
so this guy sittin next to me is being a huge douch and makin me drink his beer or someth- what? WELL DUDE YUR THE ON WHO MAID ME DRINK TIT- hahahahahahahahahahahahaha dude look at htis… no on the screen, I typ0ed tit instead fo it LOLZ wait where did hey come here ocme here cmoe here dudeman
juss need to sit
downasecondthenandillbefine
 Keystone Light
whuz in the keg? hey man whuz in the keg? quit ignorin me man i whuz in the

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Orange Squares

Two years ago I get assigned a roommate from Bangladesh. Its his first time ever out of his country. His first words to me were Hello how tastes it. Interesting start right. Two days later i walk in to see cheese slices all over the walls. The cheese slices have writing on them. I confront him about it and he tells me he thought they were post it notes. Apparently they do... Read More » not have dairy in back home because he had never seen cheese before. Days after that he blows up the microwave by putting a pot of eggs in it. It is at this point that I give up on the guy. After a few weeks I notice his part of the dorm smells like ass so I confront him about it. He then goes on to explain that he has been waiting for the servants to come by for his laundry. Of all the people why did I get this guy? In the three months I lived with him he washed once and never quite understood that we did not have servants and that Americans utilize cows.