Things not to say on Valentine's Day

1.  My heart is yours.  Literally, here, take it, it’s getting blood all over my pan——

2.  I’m a ladykiller.  No, really.  My trunk?  Full of body parts.

3.  Happy VD!

4.  I want to be with you forever, even if it means crawling in your coffin with your cold, lifeless, corpse.

5.  I love you.