The Wasted Wingman

       Oh man, this party is raging so hard.  This is awesome.  I totally knew that Gargoyle Bro’s and Mythical Ho’s would be such a sweet frat party.  YES!  I rule so much right now.  This jungle juice is DELICIOUS!
       What is this that I spy with my eye?  Woah, that rhymed, sweet.  Yup, Blake is totally hitting on that hottie right now… and he TOTALLY needs my help.  Have no fear, Bro, your wingman is on his way right after one more kegstand.
       YES!  Best kegstand ever.  I RULE!  Now let’s go find out how I can help Blake.  I should probably let him know that I approve of this chick, so I’ll slap her on the ass when I walk up to show that I think she’s hot.  And obviously after that I’ll totally talk about how sweet Blake is so that she knows he’s an awesome bro.
       That was so weird.  Blake didn’t look at all thankful for my help.  Dub-Tee-Eff.  She is definately going to want to bang him now that she knows he can eat 7 hot dogs in 3 minutes.  That so baller.  Whatever, I’ll just go slam a few beers and then check in on him again and really talk him up this time.
       SO UNCHILL!  Blake must be wasted or something because he’s being a real ass right now.  Whatevsies, I forgive him, he’s my bro.  I hope he’s blacked out so he doesn’t feel too bad about it tomorrow.  I just can not fathom why he would punch me in the chest while I was playing him up so hard to that chick.  How could she not want him after I told her that Blake is such a pimp that he banged two roommates in one weekend?  He’s LEGENDARY.  Whatever, I can totally salvage this, he’s going to get some tonight, I guarantee it.
       Awesome!  Now that I puked on her shirt they’ll have to go upstairs so she can shower.  I am the best wingman ever.