Sometimes Questions Are Better Than Answers

When did changing your Facebook status start counting as staying in touch with your friends? How is “what do you mean what did I do last night? dude, check my FB status” acceptable? What if everyone changed their status to “out getting a fucking life” and actually followed through on it?

Why can’t I see boobs on television? How come I can see someone with “blunt force trauma” to the head on literally every episode of CSI, but not a pair of good old fashion all American breasts? What is more shocking to me as a human being? A guy with his brains seeping from his skull or a juicy pair of wholesome good-time titties?

Are video game cheat codes tainting the value of hard work in the minds of our youth? Will someone ever invent the “get a girl to sleep with you” cheat code or a level skip password for when you have to go to church? Are our future leaders going to be constantly searching GameFaqs.com for the world peace map hack? If real world hacks and cheats actually do exist, should I be really afraid of Asian kids right now?

Why are there so many add-ons for my browser? Where is our society heading when you need Internet Explorer to tell you what day it is and what the weather is like outside? When do real life add-ons like a job or future aspirations come into play? Where can I download the “cougar radar” add-on?

How is MSN a form of courtship? Since when does flirting require a solid internet connection? Is overhearing someone say, “yo that girl digs me, she totally gave me her hotmail address…SCORE!!!” the saddest thing you heard today? Or is it a glimmer of hope for your own personal (non)sex life?

Why do I have people as friends on Facebook that I wouldn’t even dream of considering my friends in real life? How can I go to a party and not say a single word to someone, yet with the aid of their Facebook photos, know how many chunks were in their vomit last Saturday night?

Who is in control of the media these days? If Tara Reid, Lindsay Lohan, and Britney Spears all died in a horrific bumper boats accident, would life go on? Is anyone else disgusted that when I say the word “Paris”, you immediately picture a ridiculously spoiled famous-for-nothing jizz continuum, rather than a beautifully romantic city in France?

Why are our emotions limited to the amount of smilies we’ve downloaded? How many different ways can your computer smile at someone else’s computer? Does exchanging emoticons on AOL or MSN count as a face to face meeting? In the future, will important business meetings be held via conference call or AIM group chat? What is the smiley for “society is royally fucked”?