So... You've Been Arrested

So it looks like you’ve been arrested, whether this is your first offense or not is pretty much gonna make or break you.  It’s a well known fact that everyone gets one free offense, so don’t waste it, but assuming you’ve already killed a homeless person it looks like this one is going to count against you. 

How bad is what you did?  Did you get caught with alcohol?  Weed?   Did you get a DUI?  Were you stealing shit?  Have you been killing the homeless again?

Well basically there are these things called felonies and there are misdemeanors.  Felonies are bad news and should be avoided, if you get one of these you are gonna need a lawyer, if you get a misdemeanor well then it’s pretty much up to you, odds are you are going to be convicted of this because nowadays evidence is really just over rated in the court system.  So for all of you future felons what you are hoping for is that your felony is going to become a misdemeanor.  The chances that your changes are all going to be dropped are about the same as that creepy guy who lives down the hall bringing anything with a pulse back to the dorm this semester. 

So now is the really big question, are you going to tell your parents?

No.  This is a common first thought, but lawyers are expensive, and unless you’ve just inherited anywhere between 2 and 5 grand, depending on what you did, then you are gonna need someone who loves you to pay for all your shit.  If your parents don’t love you then I’m sure that you will be able to find someone in prison who will.  If you are going to tell your parents make sure that you aren’t under the influence of any chemicals and that you have an accurate story for them, they are going to want to be able to get the story right for next year’s Christmas cards.