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Sean Curry

The College Christ Cometh

by Sean Curry on

Ladies and gentlemen of the academic community, please turn a reverent ear to my voice and listen to the tale of your messiah, for He has arrived. Long have you been unjustly harassed by the men and women of that totalitarian establishment commonly referred to as “the law”. Long have you been kept from doing that which brings you pleasure and happiness. Long has Johnny Law stood in the way of your right to get bombed.

BUT BROTHERS AND SISTERS, OUR DAY IS HERE! Rise up with the College Christ of ASU, and say with him, “F*ck you, pig!” Feel his pain, for it is your pain! Throw your ping pong balls of righteous rebellion! The establishment can no longer keep us sober!

Abraham Lincoln. Gandhi. Malcolm X. Great men, all. They fought for the freedom of their fellow man, for his right to live as he so pleased. And finally, their fourth coming is here. He has many government contacts, and a lawyer who went to Harvard. The pigs are woefully mistaken to challenge him. HA! The College Christ laughs at them! Next time you are unlawfully detained for wrecking your liver, join your brother in our common cry, “How much did you get laid in highschool, huh? None? Me, a lot,” and watch the porksmile slide off that pig’s face!

Underage drinkers across the nation, live in fear no more. Your salvation is at hand.

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Search and Siezure

When I was 16, I was walking home one night from my girlfriend's (at the time) like any other night. Now, as a teen, I had a shaved head, but that's as far as it goes for me looking like "a bad ass". I was super straight edge. I got to the corner across the street from my apartment, and I was waiting patiently at the light to cross, when all of a sudden I hear the... Read More » wailers and see flashing lights coming in my direction. Two cops get out of their car, tell me to come over and proceed to start hassling me. Given where I lived (tantamount to gang territory) and the fact that I was a teen out past 11PM, this was annoying, but not a huge surprise. The first question they asked me was "where am I going?" I said home. They asked where home is, and I could point to my window from where I was standing. That wasn't good enough. They decided they were going to demand that I "empty my pockets on the hood of the car". I refused, at which point they accused me of having something to hide. But what they didn't know was that I was taking classes in Canadian law at my high school, and had already covered the section on statutes on search and seizure and probable cause. So I told them flat out: "Give me your badge number, and I'll empty my pockets. And, when you find nothing there, I'll be down at your station tomorrow with a lawyer and I won't leave until I have your job because I gave you no probable cause to stop me, let alone undergo a search and seizure of my personal belongings. And if you don't like it, fuck off". Needless to say, they got back in their car and told me to go home. And I did, smiling.