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Kevin Corrigan

Are You Going To Get Arrested?

by Kevin Corrigan on

Just answer the questions below to see if you’re going to have to ask your parents to pick you up at the police station, or if you’ll finish another semester without a criminal record!

It’s 3 am. You’ve just left a party, you’re drunk and you have to pee. Finish this sentence, “Bro, I have to pee so bad _________”
that when I finally get to a bathroom I’ll have to flush mid-stream so the toilet doesn’t overflow with my pee (0 points)
I’m just gonna go on the floor of the first public bathroom I find (1 point)
that next house we pass I’m going to bang on the door and see if I can use their toilet (2 points)
I’m gonna go right here in the middle of the street. Watch for cops (3 points)

When you drive by a police officer, you:
Keep going knowing that you’re not doing anything wrong (0 points)
Slam on the breaks until you’re doing exactly the speed limit (1 point)
Keep speeding, they don’t pull people over unless you’re going like 15 miles over the speed limit (2 points)
Throw anything incriminating out the window right away (3 points)

Pick the answer that most closely matches your relationship with illegal drugs:
We have no relationship (0 points)
I’ll smoke weed if it’s around. I won’t buy it (1 point)
It’s pretty widely known that I smoke at least once a day (2 points)
What are you looking for, because I got it for cheap (3 points)

If someone tries to pick a fight with you, you:
Calmly leave (0 points)
Leave, key their car (1 point)
Fight them (2 points)
Leave, get a bunch of your friends then come back and kick the sh*t out of them (3 points)

If the police were at your door demanding to search your room, what would you do?
Let them in, I have nothing to hide (0 points)
Turn off everything and pretend I’m not home (1 point)
Tell them I’ll be with them in a minute and frantically try to hide all my liquor (2 points)
Tell them to f*ck off, I know my rights (3 points)

When is it OK to break the law?
When there’s a sweet new album or movie you want to download (0 points)
When you’re stealing items worth less than $5 from your college (1 point)
When you won’t get caught (2 points)
When it benefits you (3 points)

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Kevin Corrigan

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