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Gertrude Steinbeck

What 'Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys' Taught Me

by Gertrude Steinbeck on

1. That boys will be okay with the fact that a girl tricks her older brother into having sex with her if there is a creepy-ass ghost lady haunting her bedroom.

2. How to make tranquilizer darts that will knock out a cougar.

3. That one should never feel safe in the assumption that there is only one cougar to tranquilize.

4. That Jodie Foster would make a way less cool nun than Whoopi Goldberg.

5. Pythagorean Theorem.

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Gertrude Steinbeck

Gertrude Steinbeck

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I was having sex with my girlfriend with the movie gladiator playing quietly in the background. She finished right before the epic scene which prompted me to raise my arms and yell "ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED!?"