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Dan Amerman

My Letter to Michael Cera

by Dan Amerman on


Dear Michael,

What’s up? Things are good here – just school work and such. So you probably don’t know who I am (unless you happened to know me through like three friends or something, which would be really CRAZY since I didn’t think you knew me but you did – that would be SO funny, which would be cool since I know you like comedy HAHA…up top! high fives), but I just saw Superbad for the like gajillionth time and I feel like we would be really good friends. :-D

I bet I know what you’re thinking!!! This kid’s name sounds familiar! That’s probably because I poked you on facebook 10-12 times last Tuesday. I attached a photo to jog your memory (Jog – get it? Just like your character in Juno HAHA. I knew you’d get it. You seem really nice in that movie.). I just wanted to let you know that you didn’t poke me back. I figured you probably thought I wassome crazy FREAK fan or something, so I’m glad that I can clarify that I certainly am NOT! Whew!

I watched all 678 of the videos that come up on youtube when you search “Michael Cera” (that’s you silly! HAHA up top! secret handshake); I even found 293 other videos of you that aren’t tagged with your name for some reason. Don’t worry though – I emailed all of those people to correct their tags…I got your back!!

…“a cool dude and I want to hang out with you.” What’s that? Oh, I was just finishing your sentence for you – ya know, best friend stuff. I love that about us! ;-) So I read in a blog that you like Orange Fanta and Dunkaroos. Just so you know, I bought 8 cases of Fanta and all of the Dunkaroos I could find in case you want to come over some time. I had a couple just now…I hope you don’t mind that I started without you tee hee.

Anyway, I can’t wait to hear back from you. I made a facebook, myspace, and xanga because I don’t know which one you like most, but I have all of them open all the time so write me and I’ll respond in like 15 seconds HAHA!

blows kiss JUST KIDDING! God, I love how we can joke like that and it’s not gay or anything.

I miss you.

Love,

Dan

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Dan Amerman

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I work in Apparel at a department store, and I usually have to take care of the fitting rooms, like making sure clothes get hung up and put back and such. So, last week I get to work and began to check the ladies fitting rooms, and I get to the big one that's supposed to be reserved for handicap and women with small children, but some of the other employees will let whoever... Read More » in. When I open it, I see hangers everywhere, and 2 pairs of jeans stuffed underneath the bench. Assuming that someone had stolen jeans and left their old ones, I get down on my hands and knees and go to pick them up. Well, they were our jeans....and they were wet. Some lady who was trying on jeans peed in them and on the floor, and I got to discover it. I immediately dropped them and sprinted from the fitting rooms to the bathroom (that is on the other side of the store) to wash my hands. I washed them pretty much raw, but even so, I feel like they will never be clean.