Staff Picks

CH Videogames Weekly

by Jeff Rubin on March 7, 2008

My guest this week is Old Rich People‘s Steve Menegozzi. You may know Old Rich People from their sketch Halo 3 Sound Effects.

TALKING POINT: A videogame based on the ABC’s Lost just came out. There will soon be games for everything from serial killer drama Dexter to crab fishing reality show Deadliest Catch. What’s next?

Steve: I’d love to see a To Catch A Predator videogame adaption. There could be a lecturing level with Mass Effect-ish dialog trees.

Jeff: Now that EA’s tied up the NFL license until 202X, maybe we could get a Friday Night Lights game. I’m picturing a platformer in a fantasy world with robots, starring Smash.

Steve: I just don’t know why this trend couldn’t have started 10 years ago. We’ll be forever poorer without a Sliders game.

Jeff: They tried to make an Entourage game, but it was too easy. You could never lose.

Steve: The Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader game is basically a rebranded Math Blasters.

Jeff: There’s no mystery why they keep making these. Despite a 57/100 average on metacritic, the Lost game will almost certainly sell more copies than something new and unfamiliar. The question, then, is why do people continue to buy them?

Steve: Maybe there should be a law that grandparents are no longer allowed to buy videogames. Are there any good TV show games?

Jeff: The Simpsons has a long and proud tradition of mediocre games. I think the last one I really enjoyed was Ducktales. Actually wait – Ducktales 2.

TALKING POINT: This week, Dungeons and Dragons creator Gary Gygax passed away. Why are we talking about this in a videogames column?

Steve: Sorry Everquest, but Dungeons & Dragons is the original nerdiest thing of all-time.

Jeff: Dungeons & Dragons was first published in 1974, but the template it established is still followed by RPGs today. We still have turn-based battles with outcomes decided by random numbers, experience points that unlock new abilities, and the social stigmas that come with talking about these things outloud.

Steve: Before D&D, you were actually looked down upon if you were openly talking about white mages and cure spells.

Jeff: It’s difficult to sound respectful without sounding dorky, but let me try. Gary Gygax created an entire genre of gaming, much like how the dark lord Talos willed the realm of Abeir-Tor into existence.

Jeff: You can see a little bit of things Dungeons & Dragons did first in almost everything. fun. In Mass Effect, you start the game by defining your character. In Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, you have to level up your character if you want to do anything. Plus, the gang leader is Bozak the Frost Dragon.

Steve: Massively multiplayer online games are basically D&D without the awkward real world socializing.

Jeff: Does that mean Dungeons & Dragons is cooler than World of Warcraft? D&D involves real-world human contact, but WoW provides the opportunity to meet and befriend new elves.

Steve: Gary Gygax founded a fantasy world where you no longer are bound to your race, gender, or species.

Jeff: Dungeons & Dragons didn’t make it cool to be nerdy, but it allowed us to start reappropriating the word so it wasn’t an insult.

Steve: Gary Gygax may have died, but his memory will live on forever in videogames. That’s because i recreated him as a an elven druid in World of Warcraft.

TALKING POINT: The CollegeHumor videogames channel was recently renamed “The Ice Level” because, well, every game has an ice level. Which ice levels are the best?

Steve: This is like trying to pick your favorite band. Except easier. Best ice level is Mega Man.

Jeff: Which one? Every Mega Man game has some kind of cold themed boss. Ice Man, Cold Man, Blizzard Man. Eventually, they ran out of cold words and had to start over with Ice Dude, Cold Dude, etc. For me it’s all about the ice levels in Super Mario Bros. 2. It was the first time we had seen Mario take on the now stereotypical terrain. The whales, oh the whales!

Steve: You also got to meet Mario’s most non-descript foe, circular white guy.

Jeff: If we don’t do something about global warming, we’ll no longer be able to enjoy ice levels. Some games, like Lost Planet or Ice Climbers, are one big ice level.

Steve: It’s scary to think kids could grow up not knowing that when an ice stalactite starts to shake, it’s about to fall.

Jeff: Another potential title was Minecart Level, but I’m not sure if everyone played as much Taz-mania and Donkey Kong Country 2 as I did.

Steve: Be wary of games that don’t have ice levels. Just look at the Lost game.

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