A Tale Of Two Cities, And New Haven

New York City: Boston!  Hey, how’s it going, dude?
Boston: Hey man, I’m good, you?
New York City: Can’t complain.  Oh, I forgot to ask you last time we…
New Haven runs into the room
New Haven: Hey yooooo!  ‘Sup dudes?
New York City: Ugh…Hey, New Haven.  
New Haven: Hey yourself.  Sup Boston, too cool to say hi?
Boston: Yeah, I am.
New Haven: HA!  Eat a dick, BUTTston!  Ah, the big three, back together again.  So, what’s on the agenda, gents?
New York City: Well, I was just going to ask Boston about his marathon this year.  I wanted to make sure we didn’t plan them on the same weekend.  
Boston: You’re doing the 14th, right?  
New York City:  Yeah.
Boston: That should be fine.  I’m doing the…
New Haven: Whoa, the 14th?  Hate to rain on this parade but I’ve got a 5K that weekend.  It’s pretty big.  A couple hundred people turned up last year and WEBE108 was broadcasting from the finish line.  I wouldn’t want you to lose any tourism dollars so maybe you should move yours?
New York City: Nah, I’m good.  I’m sure I’ll still get a decent turnout.  
New Haven:  Word, word.  So BUTTston, what’s new?  Any new boyfriends?
Boston: Hey, New Haven, how’s your arena?
New York City: Hey…come on, man…
Boston: What?  He’s a grown up.  
New Haven: It’s, uh…Well, funny thing, actually.  I tore it down or whatever.  I was bored with it.  
Boston: Oh wow, you just tore it down all on your own?  Not because it was a blight on the community?  Not because it was home to a whopping zero professional sports teams?  
New York City: Alright, that’s enough.  
Boston: Fine…fine.  I wouldn’t have to be like that if someone would realize when he’s not wanted.  
New Haven: I’m just as much a city as you are, BUTTston!  
Providence runs in, grabbing New Haven.
Providence: It’s not worth it, man.  You’ve got Yale, you’ve got good pizza.  Who cares what Boston says?  Let’s go, ok?
New Haven: Yeah…yeah, fine.  
New Haven and Providence leave.
New York City: Dude, you two need to learn to get along.  
Boston: Whatever.  He’s just a pain in the ass.  You hear that, New Haven?  You’re a PAIN IN THE ASS!
The basement door swings open
Philadelphia: YO!  Shut the f*ck up, man!  You’re being loud as hell.
Boston: Oh my bad…fag.
Philadelphia: What?  
Boston: Nothing.