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Compliments from your Boyfriend the Serial Killer

by FunBox Comedy on

“Your kisses burn my flesh like the tears of angel.”

“When I become you, I will not be able to do your beauty justice.”

“One of the voices in my head has the same cute laugh as you.”

“Shhh, dear. I don’t think you need to lose weight. Plus this way I’ll be able to make a vest.”

“Wow, your perfume smells exactly like the inside of a guys face.”

“Not even death can stop the way I feel about you.”

“You are so still when you sleep. So still…”

“I can’t stand the thought of something as perfect as you living in a world like this.”

“You will be the one they remember me for.”

“When we make love the screaming stops.”

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Admiral D!ck

I use to work at a Military Rec. Center in the boat rental. The rules were easy 1.first come first serve, 2.rank does not matter, 3.and have a military id, will travel; they could rent boats and go fishing or partying. 6 months prior to graduating boot camp a group of marines reserved the "party barge" (BIG a$$ pontoon) this also happened to be Memorial Weekend.... Read More » Soo, the fresh little newbie's have loaded up the party barge with beer and what not and this Navy Admiral walks up without reservations and orders them to "Disembark and relinquish" the boat. All the new marines snap to attention and start unloading. The admiral than orders them to leave there fishing equipment and beer to save him time and expense. Seeing this I walk up and inform the Admiral "no reservations, no boat, your sol." Admiral orders to see my boss (I am the boss) and say "go to the big white house in DC and file your complaint there" Admiral "What's your name and rank! I'll have you marshaled!" Me "my name is ___" having no rank because I'm a civilian I stick my butt out and while pointing to my posterior "my rank is kiss this." Mr. Admiral d!ck wad storms off mumbling something about MPs and I help the marines out of the dock and with them a happy party. I do so love p!ssing of military officers.