I am being "crushed on" by a 26 year old man...uh...boy.

That’s right : CRUSHED ON

Fucking Crushed On.  And those are his words. Not mine.

And By a 26 year old man, I clearly mean a 26 year old third grader. 

But you know what?  It’s cool, I guess I’d still be up for a little bang bang.  Because nothing makes me want you more than reminding me that if you were on top, you would, in fact, crush me.

And not to mention your stunning career prospects in professional Guitar Hero and construction.  I mean, as a 26 year old college sophomore, I probably shouldn’t have expected you to have a vocabulary to rival a 9 year old

But i guess i have to look on the bright side, at least you didn’t ask me to meet up under the swingset after recess.