Freshman Arrives at College Nine Months Late

March 10, 9AM.

Gary: (entering room) Oh man, what is up? Darren right?

Darren: How did you open the door?

Gary: I’m Gary… your roommate? We talked on the phone?

Darren: Last August?

Gary: Right… yeah exactly. So glad you’re not some weirdo, haha, on the phone you sounded like a creep, but you actually seem pretty chill.

(Gary drops his backpack onto an empty bed in the corner, it’s just a mattress on a frame.)

Gary: Sick, so you brought the TV.

Darren: I’m sorry. I’m a little confused.

Gary: No worries. Wo, tight. Red Hot Chili Peppers. Can I burn this?

Darren: No.

(Sitting down on the mattress, he takes a beer can out of his pocket and opens it)

Gary: Got a lot of catchin’ up to BREW! Haha. Are all the hot girls taken? Who’s the blond across the hall?

Darren: That’s Stephanie. You shouldn’t be drinking in here though.

Gary: God, I hate our R.A. She’s such a bitch.

Darren: He.

Gary: He’s such a loser. It’s like, who lives in the dorms when they don’t have to?!(Getting up, putting his hands on his hips and inspecting the room) I’m gonna rush. I walked by the Alpha Zeta, umm… what’s the Greek letter that looks like a T? Anyway, it looked like they have a pretty chill scene over there, and the brotherhood is unparalleled.

Darren: Probably too late to rush.

Gary: Who pays for friends anyway? I’m an independent party animal! What’s the deal with classes. Soooo much reading! Right?

Darren: Yeah well, last semester is over, and now it’s the second semester and midterms are next week.

Gary: Jeez, looks like I gotta sweet talk my profs! Haha.

Darren: Well you needed to sign up for classes first, technically you don’t have any professors yet.

Gary: Sure, sure. Maybe I should do that now? Is it like an online thing? What’s the PW for wireless? (Putting up a poster that says: HELP WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE) You like this poster? Me and my cousin started a poster store last year, lemme know I can hook you up.

Darren: I’m good.

Gary: FRESHMAN YEAR!!!! So weird.

Darren: I’m gonna go brush my teeth.

(Darren leaves the room, takes one step and realizes he forgot his toothbrush. He turns around and notices a tie on the doorknob. He opens the door and Gary is already having sex with Stephanie.)

Gary: DUDE! Ever heard of knocking?!