Gary: (entering room) Oh man, what is up? Darren right?
Darren: How did you open the door?
Gary: I'm Gary your roommate? We talked on the phone?
Darren: Last August?
Gary: Right yeah exactly. So glad you're not some weirdo, haha, on the phone you sounded like a creep, but you actually seem pretty chill.
(Gary drops his backpack onto an empty bed in the corner, it's just a mattress on a frame.)
Gary: Sick, so you brought the TV.
Darren: I'm sorry. I'm a little confused.
Gary: No worries. Wo, tight. Red Hot Chili Peppers. Can I burn this?
Darren: No.
(Sitting down on the mattress, he takes a beer can out of his pocket and opens it)
Gary: Got a lot of catchin' up to BREW! Haha. Are all the hot girls taken? Who's the blond across the hall?
Darren: That's Stephanie. You shouldn't be drinking in here though.
Gary: God, I hate our R.A. She's such a bitch.
Darren: He.
Gary: He's such a loser. It's like, who lives in the dorms when they don't have to?!(Getting up, putting his hands on his hips and inspecting the room) I'm gonna rush. I walked by the Alpha Zeta, umm what's the Greek letter that looks like a T? Anyway, it looked like they have a pretty chill scene over there, and the brotherhood is unparalleled.
Darren: Probably too late to rush.
Gary: Who pays for friends anyway? I'm an independent party animal! What's the deal with classes. Soooo much reading! Right?
Darren: Yeah well, last semester is over, and now it's the second semester and midterms are next week.
Gary: Jeez, looks like I gotta sweet talk my profs! Haha.
Darren: Well you needed to sign up for classes first, technically you don't have any professors yet.
Gary: Sure, sure. Maybe I should do that now? Is it like an online thing? What's the PW for wireless? (Putting up a poster that says: HELP WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE) You like this poster? Me and my cousin started a poster store last year, lemme know I can hook you up.
Darren: I'm good.
Gary: FRESHMAN YEAR!!!! So weird.
Darren: I'm gonna go brush my teeth.
(Darren leaves the room, takes one step and realizes he forgot his toothbrush. He turns around and notices a tie on the doorknob. He opens the door and Gary is already having sex with Stephanie.)
Gary: DUDE! Ever heard of knocking?!

Why the Oscar NEEDS to go to Daniel Day Lewis
Facepalm: Salmon
Facepalm: Pizza
It's So Big! The Spider, I Mean
12 Man of Steel Pickup Lines
7 Animals That Really Wish This Glass Weren't Here
Dad-O-Vision: How Dads See The World
Almost Reading
The Troll
Humor Us
TLDNR
Regret Everything
The Graphic Truth
CollegeHumor Interview
Twidiots