Jake vs. The Ripper, a text conversation

I apologise in advance, as this probably won’t be as funny to you as it is to me.

Preface: This is a conversation I had with a guy named Jake. It started because Jake had been pestering a fellow CH regular. My texts are labeled, “The Ripper”, his are “Jake”.

The Ripper: Hey man, watcha up to?
Jake: Who is this
The Ripper: Oh, come on. Don’t give me that. Wait. Who’re you?
Jake: Who is this
The Ripper: Jen. Who’s this?
Jake: Jake
The Ripper: Yeah, that’ what I thought.
Jake: yeah, so Jen who?
The Ripper: Lopez
Jake: How do I know you?
The Ripper: We’re soul mates.
Jake: ok
The Ripper: You wanna make out some time?
Jake: How old are you?
The Ripper: 25, you?
Jake: How u get my #?
The Ripper: Love led me to you. How old are you?
Jake: How u get my # 4 real?
The Ripper: It was written in the stars at night.
Jake: ok
Jake: How u get my number?
The Ripper: I found it written on my heart.
Jake: ok, wat evr.
The Ripper: I love you.
Jake: Bitch u crazy