The Day After St. Patrick's Day

It’sthat time of year again. The time when the birds wake up, the occasional bearmauls some dumbass camper, flowers bloom in their ridiculous glory, which justmakes me sick even though they are gorgeous.

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It’sthe day after St. Patrick’s Day. The day of debauchery and sin all good collegelads and lasses partake in without knowing that they are celebrating a crazyCeltic man who hated druids and drove snakes out of Ireland. What a miracle.

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Nothe day after St. Patrick’s Day is my birthday a date that will live in infamy.This birthday marks something special though. It is my 19th birthday. It is thelast year I will be able to enjoy any teenage angst I have left pent up in mybody. What to do What to do.

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I’vedecided to make a list of mindless acts of vandalism, stupidity, rage, love,and protest that I must complete over the next 365 days in order to transitionfrom a dumb teenager in to an angry 20 year old

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1.Urinate in a mailbox

2.Steal Flags of people’s front porches

3.Join a Fraternity, leave, and tell everyone how lame it was in everydayconversation

4.Steal lawn ornaments and throw them through elderly couples windows to show mydominance

5.Throw a party in my house, which mirrors every John Hughes film in existence,but have it end like Carrie

6.Deliver Pizzas that are half eaten

7.Write a lame emo song about how my life sucks and my parents don’t understandme just so I can play when girls come over so as to increase my chances ofgetting some action

8.Create and underground paper that no one reads

9.Writein an Internet blog

10.Fight someone weaker than me

11.Wear a baseball cap with a pre-frayed brim, wear berkenstock sandals, andlisten to Dave Matthews religiously for one entire week. Than afterwards goback to my normal lifestyle and pretend like nothing ever happened.

12.Dress in a suit one day than a hobo the next day, continuously switching upeach outfit in no particular order so as to keep everyone on their toes

13.Find a guy named Mickey and ask him if he wants to fight about it

14.Learn to speak Pikey, live with them in their caravan community, and pray tothe Lord God my Savior they do not kill me or sell me a dog

15.Write a play

16.Spend the night in a graveyard just like everyone else has done

17.Not be a conformist

18.Get something posted on Collegehumor or Pictures of walls

19.Confront John Mayer

20.Become Sean Bateman

21.Immediately forget about this note as soon as I’m done writing this sentence.

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Igot a lot of work to do